


Clean Up the Dead You Leave Behind

by kerrykhat



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Colonist (Mass Effect), F/M, Latina Shepard, POV Multiple, War Hero (Mass Effect), Winter Soldier AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 18:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14982938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerrykhat/pseuds/kerrykhat
Summary: Shepard has enough to worry about with the Reaper War without chasing ghost stories. But some ghosts are more real than others and wear familiar faces.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Bioware  & EA own "Mass Effect" and all related characters, I own nothing.
> 
> **Notes:** A lot of thanks to go around for my first fic in almost *checks watch* three years. Thank you to my fantastic artist, continousspec, for their amazing art. You were amazing to collaborate with  <3\. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta, Bard, for putting up with me going, "I'll get this bit to you this weekend!" for several weekends in a row & helping make this fic better. 
> 
> Thank you to Susan for letting me yell at you in DMs during the initial planning for this story. Thank you to KJ & Ira for the pep talks & to the Sparkle Rocket crew in general. Y'all have been my rocks the last few months.
> 
> This work started because of [this piece by emegustart](http://emegustart.tumblr.com/post/123728985577) that I couldn't get out of my head. Thank you for inspiring me to write fic again. Title comes from the song "Lifeforms" by Daughter.

 

Shepard looked out over the horizon at Eden Prime. _Jenkins was right,_  she thought, her eyes drifting towards the mountain range near where she’d encountered the beacon. _It is beautiful here_.

Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to really admire the view. Cortez was on his way in the shuttle, hopefully arriving before any more Cerberus forces did. They needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

She glanced over at the prothean they’d awakened. He stood apart from her team, his strange red armor glinting in the setting sun. He was also staring out at the planet from up the hill, his four eyes unblinking. He hadn’t spoken to them since considering the possibility of working together.

“You’d think after all the crazy stuff we’ve been through, I’d be over being surprised,” Garrus commented from beside her. “Just like you to prove me wrong.”

Shepard gave a half smile, her eyes drifting back to the view. It was odd being back where this whole thing had started. She’d had no idea what was in store when the first Normandy dropped them off to save the beacon. It felt like a weird combination of half a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time.

It also felt strange being the only one who’d come back at all. Ash was recovering back on the Citadel, Jenkins and Nihlus had never left the planet, and she’d left Kaidan behind on Virmire. Coming back here, home to so much death and change, unsettled her.

Her comm beeped. “Ground team, I’m less than a minute out,” Cortez said. “Cerberus isn’t too far behind.”

“Got it.” Tearing her eyes away, she walked up the hill towards the prothean. “Come on. Our ride’s almost here.”

He didn’t say anything, just lowered his head slightly in acknowledgement. She looked away and started moving towards the LZ. The prothean’s memories still echoed through her head, adding to her general unease. She’d just seen what would happen if they failed against the Reapers.

Cortez was setting the shuttle down as she crested the hill. She waited for Garrus, Liara, and the prothean to board, taking one last glance at Eden Prime. It was beautiful and yet she couldn’t help but see all that had been lost here, both for her and the protheans. It felt less like a garden world and more like a graveyard to her. Exhaling, she turned around and climbed into the shuttle, ready to leave this planet and the memories it carried behind.

~*~*~

“Is there any particular reason for the candles?”   

“Hmm?” Shepard looked up from her datapad and blinked at Garrus. She’d heard him come in, but hadn’t moved from where she lay reading on the couch. She just needed to get through this last report before calling it a night and she was so close to being done.  

“The candles,” Garrus repeated, gesturing at them as he came down the stairs. “Any reason you have them out? Did you want a certain mood or...”  

“Not really,” Shepard replied with a glance over at the table. In the center, near her empty coffee mug from that afternoon were the two electric candles she’d grabbed on the Citadel a few weeks ago on a whim. They weren’t the same as the ones Mami used--simple and utilitarian whereas Mami’s had been large and colorful, with pictures of saints on the side--but they were the closest she was going to get living on a spaceship with no open flames allowed. “It’s just something one of my moms used to do.”  

“Oh?”   

Shepard moved over and let him slip next to her, wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning against him, datapad forgotten as she looked at fake flickering light. “One of my moms was raised Catholic. Lighting candles was something they do in church.”   

“So is it a religious thing?” Garrus asked, grabbing the datapad from her hand and placing it on the table.   

“Kind of, I guess? Mami wasn’t… she wasn’t really religious but she always had candles around that she’d light if she was thinking about someone or thought we might need a little divine help.” Shepard shrugged, before continuing, “I wasn’t much for church but I liked this bit.”  

God, a decade and a half removed and she could still smell the incense the priest used on special occasions if she thought about it. She could almost hear Lily Ana and Jaime giggling in the pew behind her at some joke they’d fill her in on later and her Tía Socorro hushing them. Her memories of her family had faded in the years since Mindoir, but sometimes, just like now, something she’d forgotten would reemerge and just hit her.  

They sat silently for a few minutes, Garrus running his hand up and down her arm. “Are the candles a plea for help or are they for someone in particular?” he asked quietly.  

“Both I guess? I’m not sure I believe in a higher power, not like Ashley, but I figure it couldn’t hurt. And just...” Shepard’s voice trailed off and she looked up at Garrus. “The whole thing with Victus just reminded me of Virmire and Kaidan. Between that and going back to Eden Prime, I miss him.”  

“Yeah. It’s been a long time.”  

Shepard stayed quiet and looked back at the candles, unable to bring herself to respond. Maybe for Garrus it’d been a long time, but it was barely over a year for her. Most days she could deal with the fact she’d been dead for two years and accept the time she’d missed. But for things like this, where the rest of the world had seemingly moved on and she was still processing her grief and guilt over the choices she made, it was harder.   

It wasn’t that she regretted saving Ash. Even when things were tense between them after Horizon, Shepard didn’t regret saving the other woman. There were days, however, when she couldn’t help but think there had to have been a way to save them both and she’d been too blind to see it.

“I don’t think he would blame you,” Garrus said softly, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “He wanted you to save Ash, remember?”  

Shepard swallowed before answering, “I know, but some days it’s hard to convince myself of that.” They sat silently for a moment before she said, “I don’t know if I believe in heaven, but maybe… maybe he’s out there somewhere and he can put in a good word for us. We could use the help.”  

“I don’t know, Shepard, you seem to have things well in hand.”  

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” she answered wryly. With a sigh, she got to her feet and held her hand out for her boyfriend. “Come on, we should get some sleep tonight. We’re looking into the rachni relay tomorrow, remember?”  

“Ah, yes, how could I forget?” Garrus said but let her pull him up. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and went over to the closet to take off his armor. Shepard gathered up all the datapads scattered on the table into a haphazard pile before turning to the candles.

She didn’t remember any of the prayers from her childhood, but she felt like she needed something before turning the candles off. _Keep us safe_ , she thought, picturing her family and Kaidan in her head. _Give us the strength we need to see this through. Amen._ Exhaling, she turned off the candles and started getting ready for bed.

~*~*~

“Any sign of the Councilor? Shepard asked Garrus, peeking over the wall and eyeing the Cerberus goon with his back towards her in the cafeteria. So far, he hadn’t noticed her squad sneaking in. It was just Shepard’s luck that a standard resupply run on the Citadel would land her in the middle of a Cerberus coup.

“All lifesigns so far are human, Garrus replied. “Or as close as they can be with what Cerberus does to them.” Next to him, Liara’s face was grim, a bruise blossoming along her cheek where she’d fallen on their way to Bailey.

“All right then. We take care of this group and keep moving.” Rising up slightly, she took a breath and lined up a headshot with her sniper rifle. As soon as she squeezed the trigger, she activated her tactical cloak to find a new spot to snipe from.

“You’re still behind,” Garrus said, taking his own shot. Shepard smiled at Liara’s exasperated sigh before focusing on the task at hand.

Between the three of them, clearing the room was quick work. “How far to the Executor’s office?” Liara asked Garrus, the remains of her barrier flickering across her skin.

“Just up those stairs.”

“Come on,” Shepard ordered, switching to her pistol and taking point. Their footsteps echoed in the empty stairwell as they quickly made their way to the office. She and Garrus flanked the doorway, moving in once Liara opened it. A quick scan showed only dead bodies, none of which appeared to belong to the salarian councilor.

Biting back a curse, she called up Bailey. “Bailey, this is Shepard,” she said, looking around. “We’re in the Executor’s office, but all we have is his body, along with two salarian bodyguards.”

“Damn,” Bailey answered. “Well, don’t count Valern out just yet. Keep looking and let me know if you find something.” She hung up and turned back towards the room, eyes glancing around to see if there was anything she might have missed in that first examination.

"Shepard, over here," Garrus called to her softly from the window. She left Liara scanning the bodies and moved over to him. "I think I see him."  

"Where?"  

He pointed to a space near a table. "There," he said, just as a chair moved slightly and the councilor uncloaked. Aside from what looked like blood on the hem of his robe, he looked unharmed. Small blessings, she'd take them.  

Shepard let out a small sigh of relief and tapped her comm, "Thane, Bailey, I have eyes on Valern. He's alive."  

"I'm almost there," Thane replied, gasping slightly. "Wait, Shepard, there's someone in the rafters moving towards your position. I won't get to you in time."  

"Shit," she swore, covering her eyes and aiming her gun at the window. Firing two quick shots, she barely waited for the glass to shatter before vaulting to the cafeteria floor. "Councilor, get back," she snapped, shooting a blast of fire at the figure dropping down across from her. They rolled out of the way and sprung to their feet, one fist wreathed in dark energy. Not waiting to give them a chance to use it, Shepard fired off another burst of flame. The masked assassin dodged behind a pillar, their biotic barrier glowing slightly as the edges of the blast splashed against it. She heard footsteps behind her and saw Liara running down the stairs out of the corner of her eye.   

"Shepard, he's going to kill us all," Valern hissed, moving towards her.   

"That remains to be seen," she answered through gritted teeth. Fuck, she hated fighting in close quarters like this. Grabbing the Councilor's arm, she shoved him towards Liara and kept her pistol trained on the area where the assassin was hiding.   

"Not him, Udina. He betrayed us to Cerberus. He's taking the rest of the Council to them right now!"  

"Shepard, I can't get a good angle on him from up here, not with that pillar in the way," Garrus said over the comm. "What's the plan? Any sign of Thane?"  

"Not yet," she answered, gesturing at Liara and Valern to move back towards the door. It was defensible, and if they could get to the office, they could easily hold out until more help arrived.   

The sudden flare of bright blue was all the warning she got. "Watch out," she shouted, dropping to the floor and rolling away. A sphere of biotic energy sprung into place around Liara and Valern, barely in time to absorb the assassin's blast. A series of gunshots rang out from across the cafeteria, followed by Garrus muttering, "Thane just showed up."  

"Liara, get the Councilor out of here!" Shepard barked before activating her cloak. She ran behind a barrier just before a second shot of dark energy hit her last location. Wrinkling her nose at the stench of ozone, she crouched down and peeked over the top. She spied Thane in the mess, firing at the assassin. She still didn't have a good angle, so she quickly started moving to flank while she was still invisible.  

"They made it up to the office," Garrus said over the comm. "We should be safe here unless this guy brings backup."  

"Good. Moving to engage."

Places like these were both a blessing and a curse. While she had all the cover she needed, so did everybody else and it made it harder to get a quick, clean shot. Hearing a break in gunfire, she stood up and began firing. She didn’t want the assassin to take advantage of any lull to make his way towards the office upstairs. Several of her bullets hit, but between his shields and biotic barrier, they didn't make much of an impact.

"It's four on one," she called out. "Whoever you are, it's over!"

He shot back, and she barely dodged an overload blast sent her way. A flash of green out of the corner of her eye was all the warning she had as Thane launched himself at the assassin, his fist covered in biotic energy. Taking advantage of the assassin's split attention, Thane managed to send him stumbling back with a blow to the chest.   

Shepard fired her pistol again, but the assassin managed to roll away and spring to his feet, energy forming around his clenched fists. Bringing his hands together, he threw the combined energy not at her, but at Thane, sending him flying towards the far wall.

"No!" Shepard shouted, Thane's body hitting with a sickening thud. She heard Garrus' rifle shoot from behind her, but the assassin was already moving, vaulting over the barrier and to the ramp below. She sprinted after him, firing off an incineration blast to try and stop him. He kept going, leaping off the end of the platform and onto a waiting skycar. Shepard ran forward and kept shooting, but it was too late.   

"Goddamnit!" she swore, looking around. There was a C-Sec car parked nearby. "Garrus, Liara, is Thane ok?" she asked over the comm, trying the door handle and thankfully finding it unlocked.

"I'm... I'm fine for now," Thane replied, giving a wet cough. She frowned and turned back towards the room.   

"You don't sound fine," Liara said, her voice sharp.  

"I can hold on. Leave the Councilor with me, you need to catch that assassin."  

Shepard closed her eyes and pinched her nose. "He's right," she said. "You heard Valern, the rest of the Council is in danger." Tapping her omnitool, she called up Bailey.  

“Bailey, we have the salarian councilor, but we need to get to the rest of the Council,” she said once the connection went through. “Udina’s apparently working for Cerberus and I think the assassin we just tangled with is going after them. We also need urgent medical attention for Thane.” Garrus and Liara appeared on the ramp and ran towards her.

“Damn, when it rains it pours.” She heard him typing something in before answering, “Ok, they’re heading for a shuttle pad on the Presidium. Get going and I’ll try and reach them on the comms.”

“Sounds good. The Councilor is with Thane now. Just send us the navpoint.” Disconnecting, she climbed into the driver’s seat. “Come on.”

She had the skycar up in the air when Bailey called back. “Navpoint sent your way and I have a team I trust retrieving the Councilor. I’ll keep trying to raise Tevos or Sparatus.”

“Got it, thanks.” She synced her omnitool to the skycar’s navigation system and gunned the engine once she heard it beep in acknowledgement.  

They drove for about five minutes when Garrus shouted, “Shepard, we have bogeys behind us!”

“Shit,” she swore under her breath, banking hard to port to try and shake them. “Does this thing have sensors or guns?”

“Sensors yes, guns no,” Liara answered, tapping the navigation interface. “Looks like two gunships plus…”

A muffled thump came from the roof. “Take control,” Shepard ordered, grabbing her pistol and forcing the door open. She pulled herself half out of the skycar, shooting instinctively at whoever had landed on them.

Her first bullets bounced harmlessly off of the assassin’s shimmering blue barrier. Adjusting her position, she aimed at his head and took the shot. The bullet hit his goggles, cracking them but doing no other damage. The car jerked, nearly dislodging her and throwing her off target.  

The assassin took advantage of her momentary confusion and smashed a fistful of dark energy into the car. Sparks flew and smoke started pouring from the impact. His work apparently done, he jumped into a skycar pulling up above them without a second glance back. She fired uselessly at him before hauling herself back into her plummeting vehicle.

“Brace yourself,” Liara warned, moving herself back to her side. “Whatever he did took out the propulsion system.”

Biting back a curse, Shepard gripped the steering wheel and aimed the car in the general direction they needed to go. She wasn’t about to let Udina and the Illusive Man stop her with something as simple as a car crash.

The skycar rammed into a balcony and threw her forward into the dashboard. Groaning, she hit the door release and stumbled out, coughing from the smoke. She tucked several dislodged curls back into her bun, looking back to make sure Garrus and Liara were fine.

“Shepard, are you ok? I’m reading your car as offline,” Bailey’s voice said in her ear.

“We had another run-in with the assassin. We’re going in on foot,” she answered, switching to her sniper rifle. “Any luck reaching the rest of the Council?”

“Negative, their guards are dead. But we still got vital signs on the Councilors’ transponders. Udina’s with them, though, and if he can get them in range of that assassin, it’s all over.”

“I’m on my way,” she said. “Come on,” she called over her shoulder as she began moving forward. “We have a Council to save.”

“Again,” Garrus added under his breath, taking up the rear while Liara moved to point.

It didn’t take them long before they found Cerberus ground forces, including a new tool the Illusive Man had to throw at them.

“Swords? Seriously?” Garrus asked, ducking behind a parked skycar. “Those snipers were bad enough.”

“I’m getting a weird dark energy signal from them,” Liara commented while trapping one of said sword wielders in a stasis bubble and shooting her point blank. “Almost like it’s unnatural when compared to a biotic.”

“Let’s focus,” Shepard muttered, making a headshot on an assault trooper trying to sneak up on Liara. “We’re almost there.”

Of course, she spoke too soon. Of course there was a fucking Atlas between her and the Council just as she reached the plaza to slow them down.  

“Shepard, I got a ride for you,” Bailey came through once the Atlas exploded. “Grab an elevator!”

Switching back to her pistol, Shepard moved up the stairs and through the door. Rounding the corner, she spied Cerberus troops clustered around the assassin entering an open elevator. Racing forward, she drew up short when the Cerberus soldiers reached for their weapons. Somewhere along the way the assassin had lost the goggles, and something about his eyes, the way he stood in the elevator struck Shepard as eerily familiar. Before she had enough time to place it, however, the doors slammed shut.

“Shepard, over here,” Garrus called out from where he and Liara were prying open the next elevator door over.   

Shoving her thoughts aside, she dropped down onto the waiting elevator. She had a traitor to stop and she couldn’t let anything distract her from that now.

~*~*~

After the dust settled and the assassin vanished, after the standoff with her friend ended with a bullet in the human councilor, Shepard found herself staring at Bailey in his office.

“There’s absolutely no footage of the assassin?” she asked incredulously.  

“Not a damn bit,” he replied bitterly. “Flooded our system with some kind of VI that wiped him from our feeds. Maybe Vakarian got something on that visor of his, but other than that there’s nothing.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, she counted to ten. Slowly. This wasn’t Bailey’s fault, she reminded herself. “I’ll check with Garrus after I see Thane,” she said, forcing herself to speak evenly. There was no reason for her to take her anger out on him. It felt like she had precious few allies here that helped her without question, and she didn’t want to alienate even one of them.

“If there’s anything useful, could you forward it to me? Doubt I’ll be able to get anything off of him with that mask you described, but something could show up in our systems.”

“I will,” she promised. “I need to go, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I know anything.”

She managed to get to the elevator without getting waylaid, which was a blessing. Hitting the button for Huerta, she slumped against the back wall of the elevator and rubbed her forehead. Why did the assassin seem so familiar for that split second in the elevator? She hadn’t known anyone in Cerberus outside of the Normandy crew, not really. She also didn’t think any of them had the capabilities or training to act like he had. And yet…

The doors opened and she took a deep breath. Later. She’d worry about this later.

~*~*~

Rubbing her sore shoulder, Shepard waited for the QEC in the war room to connect. All she wanted was a hot shower and cry about another friend dead, but she still needed to brief Hackett about the latest twist in this Cerberus mess and find out what it might mean for the larger war effort. And needed to check in on her crew and see how Ash was settling in. And read through the latest intel Traynor pulled for her. And then...

The sound of the signal connecting brought her out of her train of thought. To her surprise, two figures appeared in the QEC.

“Shepard, I have Anderson on the line,” Hackett said. “I was just bringing him up to speed.”

“Udina? That SOB was always power hungry but this…” Anderson began before Shepard interrupted him.

“He wasn’t the one calling the shots. Cerberus was just using him to take control of the Citadel and cut out when it became clear it wasn’t going to work.”

“What the hell for?” Anderson asked, his disgust clear.

“No idea. Split our attention, maybe?” she offered with a half shrug. “There’s a hell of a lot of information going through there that the Illusive Man would want to get his hands on.”

“Whatever it was, it could’ve been a lot worse,” Hackett interjected. “Shepard stopped the assassination attempt on Councilor Valern and the rest of the Council. Your description of the assassin in your reports worries me though, Shepard. So far, Alliance Intel has nothing about a biotic assassin working with Cerberus.”

“Biotic assassin?” Anderson asked, looking from Hackett to Shepard. “It wasn’t a guy with a sword?”

“No,” Shepard answered with a shake of her head. “There were Cerberus troops with swords and some strange biotic barrier, but this guy mainly used biotics with some tech powers added in.”

“So something similar to our sentinel program,” Hackett said, tapping his fingers against his leg. “I’ll get back to Intel to see if there might be any sentinels we discharged who could’ve ended up working for Cerberus. It’s a shame he was able to wipe the Citadel cameras.”

“Yeah,” Shepard agreed with a sigh. “He had a mask on the entire time, though, so I don’t know what good that would’ve done.”

“Still, it’s worth looking into. We need to know what exactly we’re dealing with now that Cerberus has shown their hand,” Anderson cut in. “I also don’t like the idea of another assassin out there that we know nothing about.”

Hackett nodded. “Agreed. One unintended consequence of the coup attempt that the asari have finally shown interest in the Crucible Project.”  

Fortunately, Hackett’s briefing on the Crucible went by fairly quickly. Shutting down the QEC, she was walking towards the central display in the war room when EDI’S voice came over the comms.

“Shepard, Garrus was able to extract some footage of the assassin from his visor,” she said. “The quality is low, however, and there is only so much I am able to enhance the images while maintaining quality.”

“Just see what you can do with it. Run what we have against any Cerberus operatives you have files on and as many former sentinels as you can.” She rubbed the back of her neck, thinking before continuing, “If you can, see if Liara has anything in her files that might be related or if there were any assassinations that might could be linked to him.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, EDI.” Sighing, Shepard leaned against the console and closed her eyes. There was nothing more she could do about the assassin right now. It was out of her hands and all she could do was wait.

“I’ll get him for you, Thane,” she muttered, opening her eyes and staring at the numbers on the screen. “I promise.”

~*~*~

A week later and a load of ex-Cerberus scientists rescued, Shepard walked into the Spectre office, coffee mug in hand. She wasn’t sure why Miranda couldn’t call her on the Normandy QEC, but if this was the only way she could talk with her friend, she’d take it. Besides, she had some questions of her own to ask.

Taking a sip, she made a face. Maybe there was a lack of beans on the Citadel, but there was no other excuse for coffee to be that weak.  

Shepard entered the comm information Miranda sent and waited for it to connect. A hologram of Miranda appeared. She looked mostly the same as when Shepard had last seen her, although the projector gave her pale skin a particularly eerie glow.  

“Shepard, I’m glad to see you’re alright,” Miranda said, giving Shepard a once over of her own. “I wanted to see you in person, but given what just happened…”

“Probably a smart call,” Shepard agreed, taking a sip of her brown water masquerading as coffee and doing her best to hide her wince. Bad as it was, she wasn’t about to toss it. “They’ve upped security here after Udina’s coup attempt.”

“I heard about that. I’m sorry about Thane, Shepard.”

“Thanks,” she replied, looking away. “That’s actually related to something I wanted to ask you about. Did you ever work with or hear about a biotic assassin during your time with Cerberus?”

Miranda looked taken aback. “A biotic assassin? Not a…”

“Guy with a sword? No,” Shepard said with a shake of her head. “I’ve read Leng’s file and this guy didn’t fight like him at all. No boasting, nothing about aliens, and no sword. This guy was quiet, focused. He had a full-face mask on, too, like he was trying to hide his identity.” She didn’t mention that passing sense of familiarity seeing the man in the elevator. There was no need to bring that up right now.

“And Leng never did bother with that.” Miranda tapped her fingers against her face. “I can’t say that description rings a bell, Shepard, but I’ll be on my guard. Right now, I’m the biggest loose end the Illusive Man has to tie up and I can see him sending that assassin after me since the others haven't done their job.”

Shepard frowned. She knew Miranda was stirring the pot with Cerberus, but not to the extent that multiple assassins would be after her. “Do you need anything? Did you find anything about your sister?”

“I did. It looks like my father is definitely involved, but it doesn’t stop there.” She sighed and crossed her arms. “I’ve also heard rumors that my father is working with the Illusive Man on something, something big.”

Shepard, who had been in the middle of taking another drink nearly spat out the coffee. “Your father? But why work with Cerberus now?”

“My father is brilliant and has worked with Cerberus before,” Miranda answered. “I think after I left, the Illusive Man decided to kill two birds with one stone and offered him information on Oriana in exchange for his help on some kind of project. He knew that I'd be distracted trying to find her and not interfere with whatever he was planning. I don’t have any proof that’s what happened, though, just a hunch.”

Shepard scratched the back of her neck and grimaced. “That’s not good. Do those rumors point to anything specific? I don’t like the idea of the Illusive Man and your father teaming up.”

Miranda nodded slowly before answering, “Yes, but this is something I need to do by myself, Shepard. I need to stop running from him, and by the sounds of things, you already have your hands full.”

“Are you sure about this?” Shepard asked. “I’m not just asking. You say the word and we’ll be there.”

“I know and I am. I need to see this through, and I won’t be able to think straight until I know Oriana’s safe.” She looked down before glancing up at Shepard. “Thanks for the offer, though, Shepard.”

“Stay safe out there, Miranda. And, if you happen to find out anything about the assassin, could you send it to me?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Shepard disconnected from the call and sighed in frustration. She knew that the Illusive Man liked to keep information compartmentalized, but she'd been hoping that Miranda might have some information, some clue about the assassin that had eluded them so far. Alliance Intel had nothing and EDI's attempts to identify him had been equally unsuccessful. The only thing she knew for sure was that whoever he was or had been, the Illusive Man was determined to keep his identity locked away.  

Hearing the "ding" of the alarm on her omnitool, she glanced down and swore. She'd promised Garrus she'd meet him for lunch and if she didn't hurry she was going to be late. Gulping down the rest of her coffee, she left the Spectre office and the mystery of the assassin behind. At least for the next few hours.

~*~*~

Getting off of the elevator, Garrus paused at the faint sound of music coming from Shepard’s room. It was late enough that most, if not all of the off-duty humans should be asleep, and he’d been half-expecting to find her in bed. The only reason he was still awake was a late call with Victus over troop movements on some turian colonies.

Entering the room, he saw her sitting cross-legged on the couch with a series of datapads spread in front her. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile before turning back to whatever she was reading. The candles were out on the table again, the third time in the week. Their flickering light made the bags under her blue eyes look deeper than they had just that afternoon.

“You’re up late,” he said, walking down the stairs.

“Said the pot to the kettle,” she shot back, taking a sip from the mug on the table. He tilted his head and she gave him an amused look back. “Don’t worry, it’s _manzanilla_ ,” she said, naming the herbal tea she liked, before taking another drink. “I just thought I’d give this another look and see if I could make any sense of this information.”

He glanced down and saw the familiar blurred image of the Cerberus assassin they’d tangled with on the Citadel. “Anything new this time?”

She sighed and shook her head, nighttime braid swinging slightly. “No. Just the same bits and pieces, hints of places where he’s been over the last few years, with nothing showing up from before I died.”

“If there’s nothing new then what were you hoping to find?” he asked, starting to unfasten his armor and trying to keep the worry from his voice. Garrus had seen some of the older detectives at C-Sec get sucked into the one mystery they couldn’t solve and obsess over it, sometimes to the detriment of themselves and those around them. He didn’t want that happening to Shepard, but he didn’t know how to say that to her in a way she’d understand.

Shepard sat silently for a long moment before answering, “There was something familiar about him, Garrus. I don’t… I can’t figure out what, but there was something when I saw him in the elevator that I swear I recognize and I can’t place it.”

He froze, one gauntlet part way off. “You never mentioned anything about that before,” he said, keeping his voice even. That would explain a lot, but why hadn’t she mentioned it before? That added a new dimension this behavior, but not one he liked.

She shrugged, looking into her mug. “I didn’t want to say anything until I knew more, but no matter how much I look, no matter how many questions I ask, there’s _nothing_. The closest I get is the just the space where he could’ve been and that wasn’t good enough.” She let out a frustrated groan and buried her face in her hands. “It’s like I’m chasing a fucking ghost,” she muttered. “Every time I think I have something, he vanishes and I’m just left with more questions.”

“I’m not sure that translated right. You’re chasing a spirit?”

“A ghost is like a spirit, I guess?” Shepard answered, her voice still muffled by her hands. “But it’s different. You can live with a spirit. It’s like a memory of what was and is around as long as there’s someone to remember it. A ghost has unfinished business of some kind, though. You either find a way to lay it to rest or destroy it to get rid of it. Ghosts aren’t a happy thing, Garrus.”

He finished taking off his gauntlets, thinking over what she said. That sounded similar enough to turian beliefs. He knew Shepard wasn’t religious, but still had a few superstitions carried over from childhood that she didn’t really talk about unless pushed. The candles were a part of that, this must be another.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining things,” she continued quietly, almost like she was thinking aloud. “I just feel like…” Her voice trailed off and she leaned back, staring up at the stars through the skylight. “Even without this, it feels like something’s haunting me, Garrus.”

“Is this about Kaidan?” he asked, thinking back to the conversation they’d had earlier in the war.

“Kaidan, Thane, Mordin, Legion, the kid I saw back on Earth, all of them,” she answered. “It’s like the dead are following me around.”

Shepard normally put on a brave face to everyone in the crew, not letting them see how much the war was wearing on her. Even with him, the person she was most open with, she would hide just how scared and tired she was. He only knew because of her nightmares. To see her like this, talking about the dead following her, worried him almost as much as her getting lost in trying to solve the assassin’s identity.

He walked over to her and knelt down, taking her hands in his. “You just said that ghosts have unfinished business, Shepard,” he told her. “We’ll keep fighting and see this war through to the end. And once the Reapers are destroyed and Cerberus defeated, we’ll lay them to rest.”

She looked down at their joined hands before looking up to meet his eyes. “Ok,” she said quietly. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss on his unscarred mandible.

He returned the hug and muttered into her hair, “We’ll see this through, Shepard. I promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

The stench of burning flesh and ozone lay thick on Thessia and stuck to the back of her throat. Even here in  the Temple of Athame, far removed from the fighting, the smell wafted through the air and brought back memories she’d rather forget.

The sooner they had information about the Catalyst from the Prothean VI the better.

“Then we’ll be the first,” she pleaded with the VI, Garrus and Liara flanking her. “Just tell us what the Catalyst is.”

“If you wish to continue fighting, I will not hinder your endeavours, though I deem your odds of success remote,” the VI said, its computerized voice dispassionate.

“We’ll take our chances,” she told it. In the distance, she could hear the sounds of Reapers firing and the crash of buildings collapsing. The hazy light gave the VI an eerie aura and obscured the prothean’s features even more.

“Very well,” the VI finally replied. “If you have followed the plans for the Crucible, I will interface with your systems to assist with the Catalyst to…” The VI paused and looked towards the entrance. “Warning: indoctrinated presence detected. Activating security protocol.”

The VI shifted back into its spherical form and flew towards the beacon. She shaded her eyes and looked towards the entrance to see a gunship hovering there. A figure walked towards them and it took her a second to place who it was.

“You,” she snarled and pulled out her pistol to point at the assassin from the Citadel. “You’re the one who killed the scientists here. What do you want.”

The assassin held out a spherical object. “Someone wants to talk to you,” he said.

She frowned. His voice was muffled by his mask but something about it tugged at her memory. She knew him, she was sure of it.

The sphere floated towards them and a hologram of the Illusive Man materialized. “Shepard,” he said, tugging at one of his cuffs.

“What do you want?” she spit out. “How the hell did you find this place?”

She half-listened to him spout off about controlling the Reapers, keeping her eye on the assassin standing still several feet away. The Illusive Man wouldn’t listen to reason. It wasn’t worth trying to get him over to her side. He’d already shown her the type of person he was with all the Cerberus experiments she’d had to clean up over the years and his attempt to preserve the Collector base. He was a monster and he was in her way.

“You’re either with me or against me,” she told him, not even bothering to hide the anger and frustration in her voice. “There is nothing grey about that!”

He looked at her, with something almost like resignation on his face before it hardened into determination. “No, I suppose there isn’t.” He turned and walked towards the assassin. “Agent, Shepard has something I need. Relieve her of it. And then bring me the data.”

Shepard didn’t hesitate. She fired off an incineration blast at the assassin through the hologram. He rolled out of the way and aimed a blast of biotic energy at her but she was already moving, keeping one of the pews between them. Garrus and Liara moved to flank, giving him three different targets to keep track of.

Even then, they couldn’t pin him down. Between his abilities and the temple’s layout, he managed to avoid the worst of their attacks. The gunship hovered menacingly but strangely didn’t fire on them.

Garrus’ concussive round caught the assassin’s side and he went tumbling over one of the pews. Shepard moved towards the center of the room, trying to get a better line on him. The assassin staggered to his feet and turned towards her, the mask falling to the ground and…

No.

It couldn’t be. No.

“Kaidan?” she asked, her voice breaking. He was dead. He was dead and couldn’t be standing right there in Cerberus armor fighting her and acting as the Illusive Man’s errand boy. He was dead.

And yet there he was.

He looked mostly the same - a little scruffier with longer hair - but it was unmistakably him and it didn’t make sense.

“Who the hell is Kaidan?” he asked in a rough voice and the air left her lungs.

“What?” she forced out. How could he not know who he was? What the-

A crack split the air and snapped Shepard out of her daze. She threw herself to the side as rockets whizzed past to hit the statue supports. Scrambling to her feet, she sprinted towards the beacon and the VI but felt the ground give way beneath her. She lunged towards a fallen support beam only to feel it slide towards the growing hole behind her.

She clung to the beam with gritted teeth. As soon as it stopped sliding, she looked up and saw Kaidan throwing Liara at Garrus and walking towards the VI. “No,” she whispered. She ignored her shoulder screaming at her and forced herself to climb. She needed to stop him. She needed to get the VI. She needed to get to Garrus and Liara and get the information and find out what the hell was going on.

Find foothold, adjust handhold, push up, get new handhold. Repeat. She had to get to the top. She had to salvage something--anything--from this mission. She had to get to Kaidan.

Her fingers gripped the upper edge. She hauled herself up and turned to try and place Kaidan. The ground shifted and crumbled beneath her and she slipped back again. Her fingers scrambled to find purchase but she couldn’t get a hold. She was slipping back and Kaidan was walking towards the gunship and…

A shadow fell over her and hands wrapped around her wrist. “Shepard, hold on!” Liara shouted in a strangely muffled voice, trying to haul her up. Garrus joined her and together they pulled Shepard out of the gaping hole.

Shepard stumbled forward onto firm ground, barely stopping to catch herself before running towards the temple entrance. No. No, he was getting away with the VI.  

She grabbed a stray pistol on the floor, firing uselessly at the retreating gunship. She watched it vanish into the smoke-filled sky, taking its two ghosts away.

Shepard slowly lowered the gun and struggled to breathe. How? How could this have happened?

Footsteps echoed behind her and her comm crackled to life. “Is anybody there? This is Lieutenant Kurin. My squad is trapped, we need backup!”

Tearing her eyes away from the hazy sky, Shepard tapped her earpiece. “This is Shepard,” she answered, her voice thick. “Give us your location.”

“I repeat, is anyone on this frequency?”

“We read you,” Shepard said, her voice rising. “Give me your location.”

A distant blast and then a new voice cut in, her tone frantic. “The lieutenant’s down and our zone is collapsing. What happened to Shepard? Did they make it to the temple?”

“I think I saw them… Wait, there’s a Reaper inbound!”

Shepard stood at the temple entrance, helpless, as two Reapers descended, the screams of the asari defenders playing in her ear until they suddenly cut out.

She felt a hand touch her shoulder and she jerked away. Not meeting her companion’s eyes, Shepard stalked back towards the temple and brought up Cortez. “We need an extraction,” she said, looking at the ruined statue and empty beacon.

“I’ll be right there. Shepard, did we get it?” Cortez asked, sounding… not quite hopeful but the next closest thing. Her throat tightened and she closed her eyes.

“No. No we didn’t.” She disconnected before he could reply, opening her eyes to look at her failure.

“Shepard.” She turned around and saw Garrus and Liara limping towards her. “Was that really Kaidan?” Garrus asked in a slightly dazed voice.

Even in the dust and confusion, even with him not knowing her or Garrus or Liara, she was sure. It had to be why she’d recognized something in the assassin on the Citadel, why he’d been so careful up to that point to remain masked and barely speak. “Yes,” she answered. “It was him.”

“Goddess,” Liara whispered, covering her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking. Garrus looked lost and she…

Nothing felt real. The noises, the smells, the pain in her shoulder, all felt muffled like she was underwater. Like she was trapped in a new version of her nightmare except her nightmares never left her feeling so empty or like she’d been punched in the gut over and over until she could barely breathe.

They stood there, silent except for Liara’s heaving breaths, underneath the ruined statue until Cortez arrived in the shuttle to take them home.

~*~*~

Ashley shifted her weight from foot to foot and scanned the group of people huddled around the door to the war room. “Do you know what’s going on?” she asked Tali.

The quarian shook her head. “No. EDI just said that Shepard wanted Adams and me,” she answered while wringing her fingers. The engineer stood by Dr. Chakwas looking as confused as Ashley felt. Normally briefings like this were just the ground crew, maybe Cortez and Traynor as well depending on what it was about. But both crewmembers were absent, making her even more uneasy. They’d all heard the news from Thessia and now this. Nothing added up.

The door to the main part of the ship opened and Joker walked in assisted by EDI’s body. “Any idea why the Commander wanted us as soon as we cleared the system?” he asked, looking from person to person. A chorus of “no’s” answered him. “Huh.”

“I don’t like this,” James said, expressing what Ashley was sure most of them were feeling. “Something ain’t right.”

“The Commander is agitated about something aside from the mission,” Javik commented from the far side of the room. “As are the asari and the turian.”

So Garrus and Liara knew what was happening. That made sense, they had been in the ground crew on the mission. But what had happened down there that required briefing the ground crew and…

It was just the SR-1 crew aside from the ground team. Joker, Chakwas, and Adams were the only holdovers from the original Normandy on the SR-2. She swallowed, her unease growing. What the hell had happened down there?

“Shepard says we can enter,” EDI said, holding her arm out for Joker as the war room door _whished_ open. The crew normally stationed there streamed out, all with confused and worried expressions on their faces. They never left the room even when Shepard was talking to Hackett or Anderson. What the hell?

Ashley brought up the rear of the group and took a spot near the stairs leading to the exit. Most of the crew clustered around the display except for her and Liara. The asari stood apart from the group, her eyes puffy and her freckles standing out even more than usual. Garrus placed himself near the main console and fiddled with something. And Shepard…

Shepard hadn’t bothered changing out of her soot-streaked armor. She stood there, head bowed, shoulders hunched, dark red hair coming out of its normal bun. Her skin had an ashy pallor to it that Ashley was sure wasn’t just from dust and there were hollows under her eyes that hadn’t been there earlier. She was staring at something on the screen in front of her and gave no acknowledgement that everyone had entered. She just stood there.

The only time Ashley had seen Shepard act close to this had been after Virmire.

An eerie silence fell over the room broken by the sound of the programs running in the background.

“What I’m about to tell you can’t leave this room. As you probably know by now, Thessia has fallen,” Shepard began, her voice hoarse. “We arrived too late and…” She swallowed before starting again, “We arrived too late and Cerberus was waiting. They took the Prothean VI that had the information about the Catalyst.”

A chill ran down Ashley’s spine. She figured it had been bad but not that bad. Thessia was lost like Earth was but something had to have come out of it. It couldn’t just be this failure, to have the key to what they needed to beat the Reapers snatched out from under their noses by those Cerberus assholes.

“That’s not all,” Shepard’s voice broke through Ashley’s thoughts. The commander was still looking at the console and gripping the edge like it was the only thing keeping her standing. “The Cerberus operative was the assassin from Udina’s coup. We were able to identify him.”

“Who was he?” James broke in. “What the hell happened down there?”

Shepard didn’t even look up. Instead, her shoulders hunched further inwards and she bowed her head. “The assassin is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, previously declared killed in action on Virmire.”

Ashley froze and stared at Shepard trying to process what she just said. That didn’t make sense. Kaidan was dead. It had been her or him all those years ago and Shepard had chosen her. She’d been at the memorial service, she passed by his name on the damn wall every single day.

“Keelah,” Tali whispered while clutching Chakwas’ arm. “That’s not… how?”

“It does not matter,” Javik interjected. “This is the way of the Reapers and their allies. They use indoctrination to turn their opponents against each other. There is no use worrying over your former comrade.”

“Of course it matters,” Chakwas shot back.

“This has to be a mistake,” Ashley said, staring at Shepard and ignoring Javik and the doctor. “This has to be a Cerberus trick or… or something. Kaidan is dead. We all saw the explosion on Virmire! Nobody could’ve survived that!” Her voice rose but she couldn’t help herself. This had to be some sort of fucking joke. A trick. Kaidan couldn’t be alive and working for Cerberus. He couldn’t.

“I’m sure, Ash,” Shepard answered quietly. “He… he moved like Kaidan, sounded like him.” She ran a hand over her face before continuing, “I don’t know how he survived but it’s him.”

“I have been comparing what footage we have of the assassin with footage of Lieutenant Alenko,” EDI replied. “While there is room for error due to the low quality of the images, I agree with Commander Shepard’s assessment that the assassin and Lieutenant Alenko are the same person.”

“That still doesn’t make sense,” Joker said in a harsh voice. “Even if you’re right and that was Kaidan, he’d never join Cerberus. He wouldn’t.”

“Cerberus must’ve done something to him,” Garrus finally spoke. He looked over at Shepard who stood unmoving. “He didn’t recognize his name.”

“What?” Ashley asked, not sure she heard him right. Nothing about this made any sense. “What do you mean?”

“When I said his name after his mask came off and I saw his face,” Shepard explained. “He didn’t recognize it.” She lifted her head and looked at Ashley. “He just stared at us like he’d never seen us before.”

“We were just obstacles in his way,” Liara finally spoke. She was so quiet that Ashley nearly missed it.

“Shepard, what do we do now?” Tali asked.

“We’re trying to find out where Cerberus went with the VI,” Shepard said, looking back down at the console. “Traynor’s working with EDI to triangulate possible locations.”

“What about Kaidan?” Tali asked again. “What do we do about him?”

“I don’t know,” Shepard answered softly.

Ashley could barely hear the rest of the conversation. Her mind a jumble of repeating thoughts. Kaidan was alive. Kaidan was alive and with Cerberus. He was alive and something was wrong and this couldn’t be happening. It was supposed to have been her back on Virmire, not him. _Go get her, Commander. I’ll see you all when you get back_. He was alive and was working for Cerberus, and oh God, why?

“Ash?” She blinked and Shepard’s face appeared in front of her. “Ashley, are you ok?” her commander repeated, bending down slightly to be on the same level as her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tali and James hovering. Aside from Shepard and Garrus, they were the only ones left.

Not trusting her voice, Ashley shook her head.

“Alright, what do you need?” Shepard asked. She reached out then drew back like she was afraid to touch Ashley.

“I need to get out of here. Out of this room.” She wanted to be home, back with real ground under feet and sky and fresh air to help her make sense of this. She wanted to run and not be trapped on this ship with Kaidan’s fucking name on the wall on the way to her quarters.

“I’ll go with you,” Tali said, moving to her side and linking their arms. “Come on.”

Ashley let Tali steer her through the security checkpoint and CIC with James trailing behind them. In the elevator, Ashley found Tali’s hand and gave it a grateful squeeze. Her friend leaned against her and returned the gesture. James stood between them and the doors, his back to them.

The elevator doors opened onto the crew deck. James took a step out and Ashley felt a surge of gratitude realizing that he had positioned himself  between her and the memorial wall. Between James acting as a buffer and Tali supporting her, Ashley managed the short walk to the observation lounge. Sinking onto the nearest couch, she put her head in her hands and took a deep breath. And another. Tali sat down next to her and she heard James’ footsteps walking away.

“Ash, what do you need?” Tali asked, repeating Shepard’s question from upstairs.

“Just… stay with me, please? I don’t want to be alone right now,” Ashley said quietly.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” Closing her eyes, Ashley started to pray. She didn’t know if it would help get the answers she so desperately craved, but maybe it would help settle her. _Please, God. I’m not asking for a miracle here. Just tell me why. Why did you allow this to happen?_

~*~*~

Tali stared out the viewport, watching the blurred stars through the mass effect fields. Next to her, Ashley sat hunched over, her lips moving silently. Tali wished she had something like that to seek comfort in. She doubted the ancestors would listen if she attempted to invoke them. So instead, she kept thinking about what Shepard had told them in the war room and trying to make sense of it.

Keelah, Kaidan was alive. Even with everything she’d seen aboard the Normandy, she almost didn’t believe it to be possible. No, that wasn’t it. She didn’t want to believe it possible.

Kaidan had been the first person on the Normandy, aside from Shepard, who made her feel welcome. He’d been her friend. He’d been kind and thoughtful and the idea of him being turned into a weapon by Cerberus made her sick. Nobody deserved that. Only someone as heartless as the Illusive Man would take someone as kind and caring as Kaidan and twist him into a killing machine.

 _I have a thermal clip with your name on it, you bosh’tet_ , she thought, clenching her fist. She’d find a way to pay the Illusive Man back for what he’d done to her friend once they found a way to end the war and save Kaidan. She’d make sure of it.

~*~*~

James left Ashley and Sparks in the observation lounge and drifted towards the mess. He didn’t want to go back to the cargo bay yet. Esteban would ask what happened and he didn’t trust himself not to give anything away yet. There weren’t a whole lot of places for him to go, though. Most of the ground crew--ok, maybe not Javik because damn, that dude was weird--seemed to be reeling from the revelation that the _pinche_ assassin they’d been chasing was a guy they thought died three years ago.

 _What a fucking nightmare_ , he thought as he fixed a cup of powdered hot chocolate. He’d seen the reports. He knew that Cerberus was upgrading their troops using weird Reaper shit but this? He shuddered.

He didn’t know much about Alenko, aside from the bits he’d heard from the old SR-1 crew, but he seemed like a decent guy. Not the kinda guy who’d ever agree to work for Cerberus. Shepard was the kind of commander who’d take a loss like Thessia hard, but this shit on top of that? Damn.

He took a sip of his cocoa and shook his head. This war was bad enough. Adding a familiar face to the mix was just gonna make it even more complicated. He just hoped they could find a way to end it before it got any worse.

~*~*~

Liara sat on her bed staring blankly at the datapads scattered around her. Rage and sorrow swirled within her. How could her mother and the other matriarchs keep the beacon a secret? Was everything she and the rest of her people believed a lie?

Goddess, her people. Thessia was lost. This was a war that went counter to all asari military doctrine and they weren’t prepared for it. Who knew how long the colonies would hold out? Would the asari be the next race to fall after the batarians? How many would the Reapers twist and defile? How many more would be slaughtered?

And then there was Cerberus and Kaidan. Liara resisted the urge to throw a datapad at her console. She should have put the pieces together. She was the Shadow Broker. She’d given EDI the relevant files to analyze. She was supposed to be able to see connections and patterns where others saw chaos and random happenstance. She’d missed this, though, and now her friends were paying the price. The Illusive Man had beaten her at a game that she didn’t even know they’d been playing?

Tears ran down her face. How were they supposed to move forward from this?

~*~*~

“The entire time we were with Cerberus, Greg. That bastard must’ve been laughing at us behind our backs,” Karin told Greg. She stared at the bit of brandy still in her glass before shooting it back.

They had retreated to the medbay as soon as the meeting had broken. She’d wanted to stay behind to see to Ashley--clearly in shock at the news--but Shepard had shaken her head. Karin felt selfishly glad. She needed to process this.

“I don’t understand the kind of monster who would do that to a person. Change everything about them and use them,” Greg said quietly. He lifted the bottle and Karin gave a curt nod. She needed at least one more glass.

“After him wanting to keep the Collector base and using Reaper technology on his own troops, I shouldn’t be surprised by the levels he would sink to.” She sipped her drink and rubbed her forehead. “She’s going to want to save him.”

“Shepard?” he asked while refilling is own glass.

“Yes.” Her eyes drifted through the darkened glass towards the memorial wall. They wouldn’t be able to remove his name, she realized with an unpleasant lurch. The information of Kaidan’s survival was supposed to be kept between those Shepard had shared the news with. Removing his name from the wall would let everyone on the ship know something changed.

“If anybody could find a way to bring Kaidan back, it’d be her.” Greg’s voice dragged her back to the present. He said it so matter of factly, it made her almost want to believe him.

“I hope so, Greg. I truly hope so.”

~*~*~

The entire ship reeked of despair, leaving a sour taste at the back of Javik’s throat. Even in his quarters the stench was present. If the primitives in this cycle reacted like this to a major setback, he doubted their ability to successfully fight the Reapers. One should not put all their hope in a single device, no matter how promising.

Then there was the crew’s reaction to the appearance of their former comrade. His lip curled. That was the way of the Reapers and their allies. They turned friends into enemies and used it to sow chaos. The sooner those on this ship accepted that, the easier their fight would be.

They would not listen to him, however. The commander was an idealist and her crew followed her lead. It was admirable but foolish. There could not be room for for idealism or mercy in war. Their enemies were cunning enough to turn that against them.

He dipped his hands into the basin and began to scrub them. The crew best prepare to see more familiar faces on the other side of the war. This Kaidan Alenko would be the first of many.

~*~*~

[Continue running the tracking algorithm for Specialist Traynor. Radiation trail fading but still detectable with existing satellites. Continue monitoring and extrapolating path.]

[Query ship deployment status for Ensign Cui. Limitation: dreadnaughts or frigates that can help move refugees.]

[Monitoring: photon storm in the Silean Nebula. Send updates to the Alliance.]

“Did you know?”

[Jeff. Location: helm.]

“About Lieutenant Alenko? No, Jeff, I did not. The Illusive Man only granted me access to select Cerberus servers. He must have kept information regarding the Lieutenant’s retrieval and revival secret.”

[Wait for Jeff to respond.]

[Status of other crew: Shepard talking with Admiral Hackett. Tali’Zorah and Commander Williams in observation lounge. Dr. Chakwas and Engineer Adams in medbay. Lieutenant Vega in the mess. Javik and Liara in their respective quarters. Garrus in Shepard’s quarters.]

[Integrate new asari fleet data. Status of the asari fleets: strength at 60%. Falling rapidly compared to other allied forces aside from salarians.]

“Ok.”

[Heart-rate elevated. Shifting in chair indicates discomfort.]

“If I had known, Jeff, I would have told Shepard.”

“I know, EDI. It’s just…”

[Warning: attempted Reaper probing. Deploying modified IFF. Preparing evasive maneuvers.]

[Overheard: low on protein bars. Update Lieutenant Cortez to add to resupply list.]

“What, Jeff?”

“He sat where you sat when this whole crazy adventure started. The only other person on the first Normandy who I could stand being up here with me at first. And now he’s the Illusive Man’s errand boy. Just… goddamnit.”

[Status: exhibiting emotional distress. Solution: offer emotional support.]

“What do you need?”

“I don’t know. I can’t really wrap my head around this yet.”

[Reaper impersonation successful. Note: monitor Reaper communication and continue updating IFF as needed.]

“If you need something, I’m here for you, Jeff.”

“I know. Thanks, EDI.”

~*~*~

Garrus stood by the fishtank in Shepard’s quarters scratching the side of his neck. He’d wanted to wait in the war room while Shepard made her calls to Hackett and Anderson. She’d waved him out, however, saying she needed to do this by herself. He wasn’t sure she needed to, but he respected her need for space. Of course, that left him alone up here with thoughts he’d rather not have.

 _It could’ve been her_. If the Illusive Man hadn’t needed Shepard to fight the Collectors, if he hadn’t needed the Savior of  Elysium and Hero of the Citadel to do an impossible mission, what had happened with Kaidan could’ve easily happened to her. A skilled N7 infiltrator who everybody believed dead? She would’ve been the perfect assassin and none of them would’ve been the wiser.

His subvocals made an involuntary noise of distress. He didn’t know if the idea had occurred to Shepard yet. He wasn’t about to share these hypotheticals with her, though. She already had the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders and he wasn’t about to add to it. Between losing the VI and finding out about Kaidan, Shepard didn’t need another reason to feel guilty.

Garrus moved towards the couch and sat down. He wouldn’t mention this to anyone. He’d lock it away in the deepest parts of his soul and focus on the task at hand. No one--especially Shepard--would ever know.

~*~*~

Once her report to Hackett was done, Shepard dragged herself back to her room with a brief stop to check in with Traynor. The comms officer thankfully didn’t ask about the meeting. Instead, Traynor focused on updating her on the efforts to trace the Cerberus ship. Shepard didn’t understand half of what Traynor was saying, but she trusted the other woman to do her job and get results.

Garrus was already sitting down when she got to her room. He’d stripped down to his undersuit pants and was staring at his hands. “We knew Cerberus was involved in some monstrous experiments,” he said when she approached him. “But this just feels worse somehow.”  

“Yeah,” Shepard agreed, her voice heavy. She started removing her armor and hissed when her movements caused the pain in her shoulder to flare.

“Do you think Ash will be ok?” Garrus asked as he came over to help her.

Shepard shook her head. She’d known that news of Kaidan’s survival would be hard to hear for those who’d known him. They’d all mourned him. She’d forgotten, though, how bad Ashley’s survivor’s guilt had been in the immediate aftermath of Virmire. “I’m glad Tali’s with her now,” she said quietly. “I’ll go check on her and the others once I’ve showered.”

Between the two of them, the rest of her armor came off quickly and she was left in her undersuit.  Her skin itched but she made no move to continue undressing. She stood there and scrubbed her hand across her face.“I should’ve gone back, Garrus,” she said, her voice low. “I should’ve gone back to get his body or even just to collect his fucking dog tags to send back to the Alliance.”

“Shepard, that might not have changed anything.”

“It could’ve. Oh God, I bet that’s how he knew,” she continued as realization dawned on her. She turned away from Garrus and started pacing. “Miranda said the Illusive Man didn’t want a control chip in me because it could change me. He must’ve done that to Kaidan. Maybe that’s why he didn’t recognize us.”

“Shepard, you don’t know that for certain.

“It makes sense.” Everything she’d been too busy to think about in the aftermath of Thessia started filling her head. “That’s how Cerberus knew what might work for rebuilding me. Kaidan must have been the prototype. They must’ve tested everything they used to bring me back on him.”

“Kathryn.” She stopped walking and looked at Garrus. He almost never used her first name. “The Illusive Man had to have known something like this would happen,” he said quietly. “That’s probably why he sent Kaidan and not another operative. He wanted you to be distracted by this.”

“I know, it’s just…” She paused and tried to find the right words for what she was feeling. “I’d found a way to live with what happened on Virmire. And now I know that he survived only to get snatched by Cerberus. I don’t know how to deal with this on top of everything else. I don’t know…” Her voice caught and she forced down a sob. She wouldn’t let that _pendejo_ make her cry. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“There was no way you could’ve known,” Garrus repeated as he walked over to her. He tucked one of her loose curls behind her ear and met her eyes. “But now we do and we can find a way to fix this. If anyone can, it’s you. And we’ll be with you when you do.”

Shepard leaned into his hand and nodded. She didn’t know if she fully believed that she could find a way to fix this or if there even was one. The conviction in his voice helped settle her a little. “At least now I know why I felt like I was being haunted,” she said, earning a shaky laugh at her weak attempt at humor.

Using his free hand, he pulled her a hug. “This ghost is just a little more real than the others,” he muttered and rubbed his hand soothingly on her back.

“Yeah, I guess he is,” Shepard replied, adjusting herself slightly so his carapace wasn’t digging into her. “Thank you.”

He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. “Always, Shepard.”

~*~*~

Shepard lurked in the mess outside medbay watching as Dr. Chakwas finished treating Miranda. Oriana hovered to the side, gripping tightly to her older sister. It was a heartwarming scene but one that would have to end soon. Shepard caught the doctor’s eyes and lifted an eyebrow. Chakwas gave a small nod before touching Oriana’s arm gently. Shepard grabbed her cup of coffee, tucked her datapad under her arm, and walked over.

It’d been a few days since Thessia. Only a few days for those who knew to try and come to terms with the knowledge that Cerberus had twisted their friend from the man he’d been to someone else. Horizon had been their only lead, and even that hadn’t turned out the way she’d hoped.

“How are you holding up, Oriana?” Shepard asked the younger woman with a small smile.

“All right, you know, all things considered,” she answered with a shaky smile of her own. “It’s been a lot.”

“Why don’t I show you the special stash of chocolate?” Chakwas said, putting her hand on Oriana’s shoulder. “The one I won’t share with the commander?”

“I knew you were holding out on me, doc.”

Chakwas laughed and steered Oriana out of the medbay. Shepard moved over to Miranda and sat down on the other medical bed. She put her coffee down and placed the datapad face down on her lap. “How are you holding up?”

Miranda gave a short laugh. “I forgot how awful being stabbed is,” she admitted. “But other than that, I’m fine. Glad to have gotten Sanctuary offline, though. But I don’t think that’s what you came to talk to me about.”

Shepard took a deep breath. There was no good way to go about this. “When you were rebuilding me, how did you get the technology? You’ve mentioned that you were inventing parts of it as you went along, but what the other parts? Do you know where that information came from?”

“Why are you asking about this now, Shepard?” Miranda asked with a confused look on her face. “If you’re worried about Reaper tech being used, I promise you…”

“Please,” Shepard interrupted. “I wouldn’t be asking if this wasn’t important.”

She trusted Miranda. The other woman had proven her loyalty more than enough, but she needed to know.

“Some of the technology was basic medical practice that we improved,” Miranda answered slowly. “But other parts, like your cybernetics, were based on previous Cerberus experiments. I didn’t have the full project history but the Illusive Man vouched for their effectiveness. They obviously worked.”

Shepard closed her eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, they did.”

“Shepard, why are you asking me this? What’s so important about this?” Miranda asked again.

Shepard opened her eyes but didn’t answer. Instead she silently held out the datapad she’d brought with her.

Miranda took it with a frown and quickly began to read its contents. The look on her face transformed into one of shock as she moved further alone. “Oh my god, Shepard. I had no idea. You have to believe me. I didn’t know he’d recovered Lieutenant Alenko.”

“I figured.” She swallowed before continuing, “I just needed to know if the Illusive Man had given any hint before that might tell us what happened.”

“No, he didn’t,” Miranda answered with a shake of her head. “He probably killed the scientists who worked on Alenko’s reconstruction, just to keep it a secret. How did you find out?”

Shepard grabbed her mug and took a sip before answering, “Thessia. He was sent to retrieve an artifact and… well, now we know. We were trying to track him when we lost the ship’s signal over Horizon which is why we were there.”

“But he wasn’t. Leng was.” Miranda looked thoughtful and tapped her finger against the datapad. “You know who might have information about what happened? The Illusive Man’s pet general, Oleg Petrovsky.”

Shepard frowned, trying to place the name. “Is he the one on Omega?”

“That’s him. He’s the only one who’s still around I can see the Illusive Man giving any information to. Maybe not the full story, but enough.”

Well, Aria had mentioned a plan to retake Omega last time they’d been on the Citadel. She might need to check in on the asari. Of course, that meant delaying going after the Illusive Man in his home and getting the VI back. She knew Hackett needed more time to finish building the Crucible and prepare the fleets, but the idea of delaying still stung. Damn it.

“Thanks, Miranda,” she said, sliding off the bed to her feet. She took the datapad back and tucked it under her arm. “We’re going to the Citadel, so we can drop you and Oriana off there. Let us know if there’s anything you need. And get better.”

“I will. And Shepard, I’m so sorry about Lieutenant Alenko. I didn’t know. I can see if there’s anything I can dig up using my contacts or Jacob’s, if you think it might help.”

Shepard nodded. She didn’t have a plan yet, or even the beginnings of one. She was still trying to process and there were too many unknowns. This could help though. “Thank you.”

She left the medbay and went straight to the battery. She needed to talk to Garrus about this.

“Did she give you anything useful?” he asked as soon as the door closed behind her. “Any hint about what they’d done to Kaidan.”

“No, but she said she’d ask around. Plus, she gave me a possible lead.” She gripped her coffee much in both hands and walked over to him.

“I’m not going to like this, am I?” he asked with a slight tilt of his head.

“No, you’re really not.” She sighed. There wasn’t going to be an easy way to say this, so she might as well get it all out at once. “According to Miranda, the one person who might know something is the Illusive Man’s general on Omega. And Aria did say last time I talked to her that she has a plan to retake it from Cerberus.”

Garrus’ mandibles tightened against his face. He hadn’t been happy when Shepard had first worked with Aria to recruit the various merc gangs to fight the Reapers. He also hadn’t been exactly thrilled when Shepard had mentioned months ago that Aria wanted her eventual help retaking asteroid from Cerberus. He’d agreed that letting Cerberus maintain control of that much eezo was a bad idea but still hated the idea of working with Aria or going back there.

“She better not stab you in the back once it’s done,” he finally said, turning back to the console. “Or get you killed in the process.”

“I’ll be careful.” Shepard reached out and grabbed his hand. “I need answers and this the only lead I have aside from calling up the Illusive Man.”

Garrus forced out a laugh, “Right, because I’m sure he’d take your calls right now, even if EDI saved his address.”

“There’s a thought.” She gave his hand what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze. “Are you going to be ok?”

He turned to look at her, his mandibles giving a small twitch. “I’ll feel better once it’s done and you have something we can use.”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. She rose slightly on the balls of her feet and gently kissed him. “I’ll see you later. I need to make sure Tali’s still conscious after all that brandy.”

She left Garrus and made her way to the lounge. She paused at the memorial wall and stared at Kaidan’s name. _We’ll find a way to save you_ , she promised silently, running her hand over the plaque. She didn’t know how, yet, or what it might take, but she wasn’t giving up. She’d find a way to bring him home, like she should’ve done all those years ago.

~*~*~

Shepard hated Omega. She hated the stale, circulated air. She hated how dark it was. She hated the memories associated with this place. The sooner this mission was wrapped up, the better.

 _Almost there_ , she thought, taking out the last of the adjuncts with a headshot. Across the ruins of Purgatory, Aria snarled and raced up the stairs to where Petrovsky was ensconced. Shepard followed close behind, her heart racing at the thought that Aria might forget their deal. She needed Petrovsky alive.

“Commander Shepard, I surrender myself into your custody,” the general said, backing away from a glowing Aria.

“That is pathetic,” the asari spat out. She raised a fist and he moved until his back hit the wall.

“Please, Shepard, I’m unarmed!” he shouted, sweat starting to bead on his face. “You’re Alliance, you don’t execute unarmed prisoners.”

Shepard caught Aria’s eye and stepped forward. “What are you offering, Petrovsky? As far as I know, Omega doesn’t extradite prisoners.”

“We don’t,” Aria cut in, her biotics still rippling over her skin.

He swallowed but he kept his attention focused on Shepard. “I can offer intelligence on Cerberus movements, troop deployments, possible targets. All items of value, of course.”

She smiled coldly and took a step forward. “Not good enough,” she said, grabbing his throat and lifting him up so his toes brushed uselessly on the ground. They were the same height, but she was stronger thanks to Cerberus. Tired as she was, she could hold this for hours.

“You’re going to give us everything,” she told Petrovsky quietly. “Everything you know about Cerberus, the Illusive Man, and all the projects that he wanted erased once they were done. All of it. And if you hold back, even just a little bit…” She tightened her her grip for a minute before dropping him to the floor.

He landed in a heap and gasped for air. “Is that supposed to scare me, Shepard?” he asked, pushing himself to his knees. “I know your profile. You wouldn’t kill a prisoner.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t,” Shepard answered, her smile turning sharp. “But Aria here? She would love nothing more than to kill you. And if you don’t give us everything you know, I’ll make sure Aria gets another shot at you.”

“Please. I look forward to wringing the life out of you,” Aria said, her voice cold. “Nothing would please me more.”

Petrovsky swallowed, his hand rising to his rapidly bruising throat. “Everything I know about Cerberus and the Illusive Man is yours and the Alliance’s, Commander. You have my word.”

“Good. Bray, take this trash out of my sight until the Alliance comes for him,” Aria told her second-in-command who’d just come in. The batarian hauled the former general to his feet and marched him out of the room.

“I gotta say, Shepard, I like this side of you,” Aria said once they were alone. “It’s a nice surprise.”

“Thanks. I think.” Shepard pried off a glove and ran a hand over her face. “I’m sorry about Nyreen.”

Aria tightened her lips and looked away. “Yes, well. Thank you. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to start removing his stench from this place. And don’t worry, I’ll keep up the rest of my end of the bargain.”

“Thank you.”

“When he’s done taking care of Petrovsky, Bray will see you home,” Aria said, turning her back on Shepard.

She took it for the cue that it was and made her exit. She was more than ready to be done with this station. She’d gotten what she’d come for and hopefully Petrovsky’s intelligence would bear fruit. She wanted to be back on the Normandy with her crew. She was ready to go home.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard suppressed a yawn and waited for the C-Sec officers to finish securing the Normandy. This is what she got for taking Hackett and Anderson’s “suggestion” to take one last shore leave before starting the final push to reclaim the VI and finish the Crucible. Of course her attempt to relax would go pear-shaped in a pretty spectacular fashion. 

Fucking Cerberus. It wasn’t bad enough that they’d brainwashed Kaidan into an assassin. No, they had to go the extra mile to clone her and then leave it laying around for a madwoman like Brooks to take advantage of. 

She felt sorry for the other Kathryn Isabela Shepard. The clone hadn’t known any different from what Brooks had indoctrinated her with. The clone had all of her memories but none of the context that shaped her. She was as much a victim of Cerberus as Kaidan was. God, Shepard hoped that there would be a happier ending for Kaidan. There had to be.

“Shepard,” a voice said and a travel mug appeared by her hand. “Figured you might need this,” Ashley continued as Shepard gratefully took the coffee.

“You have no idea,” she said after taking a long drink. “It’s been a long day.”

“Heh, you’re just getting old,” Wrex commented, ambling over and clapping a hand on her shoulder. She staggered under the weight but fortunately none of the coffee spilled.

“No, it just means she’s mortal like the rest of us,” Tali chimed in from behind them.

Shepard snorted and took another drink. “Thanks.”

Wrex laughed, a comforting rumble that she could feel in her chest. Damn, it’d been good to have him fighting alongside her during this mess. She hadn’t realized how much she missed having a krogan alongside her. It was almost like old times. Shepard knew he had his duties on Tuchanka, but she wished he could stay with them for the final push. It would be nice to unleash a walking tank on the Illusive Man and the Reapers.

“Hopefully we can leave soon,” Garrus commented from where he was leaning against a stack of crates. “I don’t know about you, but I’d like a chance to enjoy shore leave without getting shot at.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Wrex asked.

“I obviously forgot who I was talking to.”

“Skipper?” Ashley asked quietly, drawing Shepard’s attention away from Wrex and Garrus’ banter. “Do you think Brooks knows anything about Kaidan? I mean, she did seem to have a lot of information Cerberus’ shadier side. Is that why you didn’t shoot her?” 

Shepard shook her head. “It’s possible, but I don’t think so. Once Brooks showed who she was, she had a hard time keeping quiet about what she knew. Something like Kaidan? She probably would’ve mentioned it just to throw us even more off balance.”

“Hmmm.” Ashley didn’t look like she agreed. “I guess that makes sense but I’m still not convinced. I don’t want to underestimate her a second time.”

“I agree,” Tali said, coming over to stand by them. “She already tricked us once. What’s that saying I’ve heard you use, Ash? ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...”

“Shame on me. Yeah, I know that one,” Shepard sighed. “I’ll pass along your concerns to Intel. Maybe she can corroborate whatever Petrovsky is giving them.” 

“She could know nothing, but better safe than sorry,” Garrus commented, his conversation with Wrex apparently finished.

Wrex grunted in agreement. “I still can’t believe Alenko’s back from the dead. He’s a lot tougher than I thought to survive that nuke back on Virmire.”

“Yeah, he was,” Ashley agreed quietly.

Shepard had told the krogan about their encounter with Kaidan in a brief moment of downtime while hunting the clone. There hadn’t been a secure way to tell him earlier and she didn’t want to keep it from him. His only reaction had been a quiet, “Damn,” and a promise to help her put enough bullets into the Illusive Man’s body even his mother wouldn’t be able to recognize him. 

She didn’t believe in senseless killing but for the Illusive Man she was strongly considering an exemption.

“Shepard, do you think C-Sec needs us for anything else?” Tali asked, jerking her head at the officers milling about.

“If they didn’t tell you to stay, you should be fine. Go enjoy your shore leave. I think they still want me to clear up any possible security breaches,” Shepard replied. “Just go easy on the brandy.”

“Haha, very funny,” Tali said but without any bite. “Ash, Wrex, you wanna head out?”

Ashley nodded. “Yeah, sounds good to me.” The three of them walked off, leaving Shepard and Garrus behind. 

“How much longer do you think we’ll be?” Shepard asked Garrus, walking over to him. She resisted the urge to lean her head on his shoulder. Even with the coffee, she could feel herself fading fast. She wanted food, a long shower and to sleep for about twelve hours, not necessarily in that order.

“Maybe another hour or two,” he answered, scratching his neck. “I don’t know for sure, though. Never had to deal with clones in my day on the force.”

“You know me, I’m a trailblazer.” She stood silently for a moment, the image of her clone letting go playing through her mind. “I wish I could’ve saved her, Garrus,” she whispered, tightening her grip on her travel mug so her hands wouldn’t shake.  

He reached out and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I know.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask what if the same thing happened to Kaidan. What if it got to the point where they could save him, could bring him home, but he was too far gone and chose to fall instead? Would all their efforts come to nothing?

As if he knew what she was thinking, Garrus gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. “This will be over soon. We’ll finish up here and get some rest.”

~*~*~

Despite Shepard’s best intentions, she did not actually sleep twelve hours. Waking up in an unfamiliar room, it took her a moment to remember where she was. Beside her, Garrus was still asleep, his arm curled around her. 

She debated staying in bed and try to get more sleep, but the blinking light on her omnitool caught her attention. Slipping out out of Garrus’ embrace, she put on some loose clothes before grabbing her omnitool and going downstairs. Starting the coffee maker, she settled down to see what messages she had.

Most of them were things she could deal with later--fleet movements, force projections on assorted colonies, updated casualty lists. She quickly read the message from her Titi Ximena and made a note to respond later in the day. Pouring herself some coffee and adding a splash of milk, she opened the message from Intel about Petrovsky and started reading.

The man was being surprisingly cooperative. She didn’t know if it was her threat to hand him over to Aria or some strange sense of honor, but he was giving the Alliance a decent amount of useful information so far. At the end of the message was a note from the lead interrogator:

_ Based on a recommendation from Admiral Hackett, we asked Petrovsky what information he had on Cerberus operatives specializing in assassinations. In addition to providing more information about the discharged N7, Kai Leng, he also gave us the following intelligence on an assassin matching your description. He has no official name aside from the Operative, although he is also known as the Ghost. He came into the Illusive Man’s employ roughly 2.5 years ago. Petrovsky has no knowledge of the identity of this operative or how he came into Cerberus’ employ. He works alone and Leng is his most frequent handler. Petrovsky used him during his takeover of Omega to eliminate an asari believed to be Aria T’Loak’s daughter.  _

“I thought the point of shore leave was for you to take a break from work,” Garrus said, startling her. She looked up to see him leaning against the counter. 

She shrugged. “I was already awake,” she explained, taking a sip of coffee. “Besides, it feels weird just pretending like the war isn’t happening.”

“Right.” He came over and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “Anything interesting at least?”

She gave him a brief summary of what Petrovsky said about Kaidan while she grabbed their separate breakfast foods. He sat down and processed it silently for a few moments.

“Your analogy from earlier seems to be pretty spot on,” he finally said, taking the bowl she handed him. “The Illusive Man seems to have been determined to keep his identity under wraps.”

“Yeah,” Shepard agreed with a grimace, sitting down next to him. She took a bite of toast, thinking while she chewed. “I wonder what part Leng plays in all of this. He keeps showing up now that we’ve started digging. Why did the Illusive Man work so hard to bring back Kaidan and keep him a secret if he already had an assassin?”

“Element of surprise?” Garrus suggested, shutting off her omnitool and putting it to the side. “It would fit.”

“I guess.” 

They lapsed into silence, each focused on eating. Shepard was staring at her mug, wondering if she wanted more coffee when Garrus spoke up.

“You know we’re probably going to have to fight him when we go after the Illusive Man,” he said quietly. 

She looked up and met his gaze. “I know.”

“You might not be able to save him,” Garrus continued, his voice gentle. He didn’t know he was echoing her thoughts from the day before. “There’s a chance you’ll have to go through him or we might not be able to undo whatever Cerberus did to him.”

“I’ll find a way,” she said, not looking away. “I’m tired of losing people I care about. If there’s a chance to bring him back, I’m going to take it.”

He gave a small sigh and held the hand closest to him. “I figured you’d say that, but it was worth bringing up,” he said, rubbing one rough finger against the back of her hand. “You know me: always preparing for the worst.”

“I do.” She covered his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “And you know me. I’m bad at ruthless calculus.”

He flicked his scarred mandible in a half-grin. “Yeah, you are. It’s part of your charm.” 

Scooting her stool closer to him, Shepard leaned her head against his cowl. She’d try not to dwell on this too much over shore leave. There had to be a way to bring Kaidan home, though. She owed it to the man who’d been her friend to keep trying. 

~*~*~

Adjusting her grip on her pistol, Shepard peered around the corner in the smoke filled hallway of the Illusive Man’s base. She, EDI, and Garrus were trying to get to the center of the facility as quickly as possible, trying to get to the VI before Cerberus destroyed it. 

So far, there was no trace of either Kaidan or the Illusive Man. Just wave after wave of standard Cerberus troops. It put her on edge. It meant something was wrong.

Not seeing anyone approach, Shepard carefully moved forward until they reached a closed door. The hallway kept going, but there might be something inside. Tapping the panel, she moved to the side and waited for it to open. EDI moved to flank and Garrus kept watch on the hallway. The door flashed from orange to green and she moved inside, scanning the room for any hidden soldiers.

It was empty. She moved towards the back of the connecting room, nerves on edge. A chair surrounded by lab equipment stood in the middle of the room. There was nothing else.

“Shepard,” EDI called out from the first room. “There is a console here that appears to contain information that might be of interest, in the same vein of ones we’ve already seen.” She paused before continuing, “I believe its contents to be related to Lieutenant Alenko.”

Shepard moved towards it, blood pounding in her ears. She needed to know what information Cerberus had saved. She needed to know what exactly they’d done to her crew member, her friend, when they brought him back. 

She pulled up the earliest entry from just after Virmire. The console showed static snow before resolving into a slightly grainy image of the Illusive Man talking to someone just out of frame.

_ “Sir, we’ve recovered a body from the ruins of Saren’s facility on Virmire,” the voice said. “It’s badly burned but I believe it’s the marine that Commander Shepard reported KIA.” _

_ “Lieutenant Alenko,” the Illusive Man replied, taking a drag on his cigarette. “He’s alive?” _

_ “Barely. We managed to get him stabilized and have been pumping him full of anti-rads. What do you want us to do with him?” _

_ The Illusive Man stood there, apparently thinking. “Bring him to us. I’ll have one of our other operatives meet you and your unit to escort you to the facility. Was there anything else you were able to recover?” _

_ “Some research the turian was doing into indoctrination. The files are damaged but some of them may be recoverable.” _

_ “Good. Bring them when you meet the operative. I’ll send you the rendezvous point.” _

_ “Thank you, sir. Operative Medvedeva out.” _

“Damn,” Garrus said. “That doesn’t explain how he survived but…”

“There must’ve been Cerberus operatives watching Saren and already stationed on Virmire,” Shepard said, feeling numb. “That’s the only way they could’ve found Kaidan so fast. With the right gear and a massive amount of anti-rads, they could’ve been able to go into the facility so soon after the nuke went off.”

“How much did the Illusive Man know about the Reapers before the Citadel?” Garrus asked, turning towards EDI.

“Based on the servers I had access to, he knew of them before Saren’s alliance with Sovereign,” EDI answered. “I do not know the full extent of his knowledge, however.”

“He apparently knew enough,” Shepard said grimly. She queued up the next entry, dated roughly about a month after she’d died.

The image on the console was nearly identical to the previous entry, except this time she could see the person the Illusive Man was talking to. 

_ “...mostly as he was,” the scientist began, her voice broken up by the quality of the recording. “We used skin grafts to help heal all but the most severe burns. We’ve also been able to infuse cybernetics into his musculature and bone structure. This allowed us to not only repair what was broken but enhance his physical abilities. In addition to that, we upgraded his biotic implant to one of the experimental L5s.” _

_ “Is that wise?” the Illusive Man asked. “Those implants are fairly new.” _

_ “We did consider outfitting him with an L3, but we think the L5 is not only safe enough but worth the risk,” the scientist replied. “The one problem we’ve encountered, however, is in regards to the control chip you asked us to intall.” _

_ The Illusive Man stilled. “What do you mean?” _

_ “Well, it looks like the chip combined with either the new implant or the damage he received erased prior memories. We’ve been monitoring his neural scans and, well…” The scientist scratched the back of her head. “Something went sideways. When we’ve brought him to consciousness, he’s been lucid and able to understand orders but he has difficulty recalling anything before the accident.” _

_ “Hmm.” The Illusive Man pulled out a new cigarette and lit it before continuing, “How much longer do you think you’ll need?” _

_ “Maybe two weeks at most?” the scientist answered after thinking about it. “We need to be sure he doesn’t reject his implants and that his training still holds. After that, though, he should be ready for use.” _

_ “Excellent. Send me copies of your rebuilding protocols. Once he’s ready, I’ll send an operative to collect the asset.” _

_ “Very well, sir. You’ll have a full copy of our data by the end of today.” The scientist’s image blinked out, leaving the Illusive Man standing in the room by himself. _

_ “Leng?” he called out and a figure detached itself from the shadows on the edges of the room. _

_ “Yes?” the newcomer said, stopping a few steps behind the Illusive Man. _

_ “I want you to retrieve the new asset. Collect all the data you can and cleanse the site.” _

_ “Now?” _

_ “No, once I receive word that he’s ready. I don’t want to risk him after the work we’ve put into rebuilding him.” The Illusive Man lifted the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled. “Stake out the facility, though, and act if you think it prudent.” _

The recording cut out before Leng’s reply.

“I was right,” Shepard said, her voice harsh. “He was the prototype for what they did with me.”

“Shepard…”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted Garrus before he could continue. It was one thing to suspect how Cerberus used Kaidan in her revival, but another to have it confirmed. She didn’t have the luxury of time to dwell, however she wanted to. They needed to keep pressing forward.  _ Para adelante. _ “Let’s just see what else is here so we can end this.”

The third entry was dated just after Thessia. Shepard swallowed the bile rising in her throat and pressed the keyboard, her hand shaking slightly. 

This time, the video showed a chair similar to the one in the room next door, with Kaidan sitting in it. Scientists clustered around the edges and armed guards aimed their weapons at him. A hologram of the Illusive Man stood in the middle of the room. The picture was grainy and hard to make out, but she was almost positive Kaidan was staring blankly at the space next to the Illusive Man rather than at him. 

_ “The people in the temple… who were they?” Kaidan’s voice was so soft, nearly too soft to hear through the console’s tiny speakers.  _

_ “You met them on an earlier assignment,” the Illusive Man replied, taking a drag from his cigarette. “Udina’s failed coup on the Citadel.”  _

_ Kaidan was silent for a long moment before answering quietly, “I knew them.”   _

_ Everyone in the room froze, several heads turning towards the Illusive Man. _

_ “Your work has been a gift for humanity, for Cerberus. It’s because of you that we’ve been able to take the steps that we have to control the outcome of this war,” the Illusive Man said, taking a step closer to where Kaidan was sitting. “But we’re not there yet. I need you to keep doing your part so that humanity comes out on top once this is over.”  _

_ “But I knew them,” Kaidan repeated, sounding lost.  _

_ The Illusive Man stood silently for a handful of seconds before gesturing to the scientists lurking nearby. “Wipe him and let me know when it’s done.”  _

Shepard hit the pause button. She couldn’t, wouldn’t watch Cerberus do this Kaidan. “I’m going to kill him,” she said quietly, surprised how even her voice was.  Aside from the batarians who’d murdered her family, she’d never felt the way she felt now towards another person. She didn’t just want to kill the Illusive Man. She wanted to draw it out. She wanted to make him suffer.

“Agreed,” Garrus replied, his voice cold. 

“Shepard, I’ve found additional files on Lieutenant Alenko,” EDI broke in, her head cocked like she was listening to something. “I’ve made copies of them and have already transmitted them to the Normandy.”

“Thank you.” She pressed her hand against the console, resisting the urge to shove her fist through the monitor. No matter how satisfying it might feel it wouldn’t fix anything. It wouldn’t turn back time and prevent her mistake that allowed this to happen. “Let’s keep moving.”

They filed out of the room and back into the hallway. Shepard focused on her surroundings. It kept her from imagining the inevitable confrontation with Kaidan.

Finally, once the hallway began sloping upwards, EDI spoke up. “The central chamber is up through there. I am not reading any lifesigns inside.”

Shepard swallowed, not sure if she should feel grateful or not. “Keep sharp. The faster we get the information the VI has about the Catalyst, the sooner we can leave.”

The door slid open and Shepard stepped inside. She paused for a moment, taking in the view she’d only briefly seen whenever she spoke with the Illusive Man. The star outside the window pulsed, giving the room a strange glow. Cerberus and Alliance ships looked like dark specks moving rapidly across its face. She blinked and forced herself to look away. Soldiers’ lives depended on her finishing this as fast as possible. 

Walking towards the chair, she sat down and pulled up the controls. “Alright, EDI. Let’s get what we came for and get out.”

“One moment,” the AI replied, pulling up a display of her own.

The back of her neck prickled and a familiar voice rang out, “Shepard. You’re in my chair.”

She lurched to her feet, pistol in hand, before he finished speaking. “This chair is about the only damn thing you have left,” she bit out, facing the Illusive Man’s hologram. “Cerberus is finished.”

He had the audacity to look smug. “On the contrary. We’ve accomplished everything I ever imagined. Well, almost everything.”

Her free hand curled into a fist. “Oh yes, controlling a Reaper,” she said, not even bothering to hide how much she wanted to put a bullet in his head. She’d seen how far he was willing to go at Sanctuary, how many people he was willing to murder and mutilate to get there. “It’s a lot harder, I imagine, than controlling Kaidan or your troops.”

The Illusive Man took a drag of his cigarette before answering, “A significant hurdle, but thanks to the information in the VI I have the information I need.” 

“The Catalyst.” She glanced over to where Garrus stood covering the door before looking back at the Illusive Man. “How? And what is it?”

“You’ll have to ask the VI yourself. I’m done helping you,” he told her condescendingly. 

“When the hell did you start?” she asked, taking a step forward. “You have done nothing but get in my way and risk humanity’s survival on a power trip.”

“Power trip?” The Illusive Man’s voice grew dangerously soft. “I’m trying to save…”

“How? I saw what you did at Sanctuary. How many did you save there?” she snapped back. “Justify it however you like, but admit that you just want power for yourself and damn everybody else.”

“Like always, Shepard, you are dangerously short-sighted. You and the Alliance are so focused on destroying the Reapers, you’re ignoring the potential to uplift humanity by controlling them!”

Shepard moved until her face was inches away from the hologram. “I’ve seen what you do to those you try to control. I saw what you did to Kaidan,” she told him, her voice low. 

“I saved him, Shepard, just like I saved you.”

“Saved him?” she answered incredulously. “That’s what you call it?”

The Illusive Man turned away from her and took a step away. “He’s alive, isn’t he?” 

“By trying to destroy everything he used to be?” she asked. “By wiping him when he starts to remember? Putting a control chip in his head? You turned him into your pet assassin, you didn’t fucking save him!”

“I take what steps I need to in order to secure humanity’s place. I do what others won’t,” the Illusive Man tried to explain, facing her again. He gestured with his cigarette at the room around them. “Sometimes you need to break a few eggs in order to get the best outcome.”

“If you cared about humanity, you would’ve helped me, not fight me every step of the way while the Reapers destroyed Earth. You don’t care about anyone but yourself,” she spat out. “It ends now. Cerberus is done and so are you.”

“Once again, you fail to recognize the truth. Cerberus is more than just a person, it’s an idea. And you’ll find that ideas aren’t so easily destroyed. Besides,” he added, turning away from her. “I’ve already acquired what you’re looking for.”

She kept her face smooth but felt her chest contract. No. No, they didn’t come this far just to lose. 

“Shepard, I have it,” EDI called out from behind her. In the corner of her eye, Shepard saw the green glowing sphere emerge from the console and began taking form. 

The Illusive Man smirked at her. “Enjoy your little chat, but don’t overstay your welcome.” The hologram blinked out, leaving Shepard staring at the door.

“Garrus, mine the doorway,” she said, turning to EDI and the VI. “I don’t want to be interrupted.”

“On it,” Garrus answered.

“You are here to liberate me from indoctrinated forces?” the VI asked when she approached it.

“Yes,” she replied. “I need you to tell me what the Catalyst is.”

“Security protocols have been overridden. I will comply,” it said. “The Catalyst enhances dark energy transmissions and coordinates the entire mass relay network. In your cycle, it is known as the Citadel.”

Shepard gave a slight shake of her head, not quite sure she heard what she thought she had. “What?” she asked, taking a step forward. 

“The Catalyst is the Citadel,” the VI repeated, its tone unchanging. 

“So the Crucible and the Citadel together can stop the Reapers,” Shepard said, thinking aloud. “But I thought the Reapers built the Crucible?”

The VI explained how the Crucible plans came to be and how one of the previous cycles incorporated the Citadel into its design. It made sense but why keep this secret? To use the Citadel, they’d probably have to evacuate the millions who lived there to minimize casualties if anything went wrong. That would take time, time they didn’t have.

“So we use the Reapers’ own technology against them?” EDI asked as Garrus rejoined them. 

“Precisely.”

“Why all the secrecy?” The question burst out of Shepard. First the asari hiding this VI, now the protheans hiding information about how to finish the weapon that could end this. All of these secrets had left people dead and put countless more in danger. “Why couldn’t you just tell me this before?”

“It was feared that if the Reapers discovered the Catalyst’s intended use, they would attempt to take control of it as they did in previous cycles,” the VI replied. “I am programmed to withhold that information until the Crucible is complete.”

Shepard took a breath and tried to steady herself. Given what Vigil and Javik had told her about how the Reapers had used the Citadel in their cycle, that reasoning made a certain amount of sense. Even so, how much time had they lost chasing the component that was right under their noses? And she couldn’t forget what the Illusive Man had said before they activated the VI.

“You said your security protocols were overridden,” she began, looking through the VI at the battle raging around them. “Did you give this information to the people here?”

“Yes,” the VI answered. “The one you call the Illusive Man broke through my security protocols to learn about the Catalyst. He has fled to the Citadel and informed the Reapers about its purpose.”

“Damnit!” 

“Then the Citadel is in danger,” EDI said, her tone urgent. “The Reapers will take control of it.”

“They already have,” the VI replied and Shepard’s blood froze.“They have moved it to Reaper controlled space.”

This felt like Thessia all over again. To come so far only to have the item they needed snatched right out from under them. “Where?” she forced out, even though she suspected its destination. “Where did they take it.”

“To the system you refer to as Sol.”

Shepard swallowed before saying what EDI and Garrus probably pieced together. “Earth, then.”

“That is correct,” the VI answered. “The Reaper forces will consolidate around the Catalyst to protect it at all costs. The odds of success are remote.”

She shook her head. She refused to believe they’d come this far only to lose because the Illusive Man got the information they needed first. “Don’t count us out just yet,” she told the VI. “We’ve come this far and we’ll finish this. EDI, get me Hackett. We need…”

An explosion from the doorway cut her off. Turning around, she saw a figure struggling to get to its feet. Acting on instinct, she shot them in the chest, sending them sprawling. She walked over to the figure, Garrus flanking her, and paused several feet away.

“Well,” the intruder coughed, pushing himself up so he could look at Shepard. “You’re smarter than I gave you credit for.”

A part of her that had been on edge since they arrived on Cerberus HQ relaxed. She recognized that voice. She’d just heard it on her way up here. “Kai Leng,” she said, her pistol aimed at his head. The only reason she didn’t pull the trigger then and there was he might know something, anything about the Illusive Man’s plan.

Blood dripped from a cut on his face and he gave her a smug look. “You’re too late to stop what’s coming, Shepard, just like you were too late on Thessia,” he mocked her and tried to get to his feet. She shot his left arm and he collapsed back onto the floor, blood beginning to pool beneath him. 

He gave a short laugh and lifted his head to look at her. “I wanted to pass along a message before it ends, though,” he continued. “Your buddy, the biotic? He remembered you. He remembered that you left him to die on Virmire. Says he can’t wait for a remat-”

She didn’t let him finish. One shot, center of the forehead. His body went limp and what remained of his head fell to the floor with a wet “thunk”.

“Keep watch on the body. If it moves, shoot it again,” she ordered Garrus. She shoved Leng’s parting words aside. She couldn’t think about that now. 

Garrus nodded and moved to take her position as she walked back towards EDI and the VI. 

“The indoctrinated soldier is correct,” the VI told her when she stopped in front of it. “The Reapers are preparing to complete their harvest of your species.”

Shepard looked back outside, watching Alliance forces continue to engage with Cerberus ships. They were here, risking their lives, because they believed in something. Believed in her, as much as it felt weird to her. She owed them to see this through. “I’ll stop them,” she told the VI, turning her attention back to it.

“It is too late,” the VI said matter of factly. “I recommend a means of conserving information for future species. Perhaps you will succeed where we failed. Perhaps…”

“You didn’t fail,” Shepard interrupted him. “You gave us the chance we have to win this and we’re going to take it.”

The VI stood silently and Shepard couldn’t help shake the feeling that she was being studied.

“Perhaps,” it finally said before blinking out. 

She stared at the space it had been for a second before turning away. “EDI, call Hackett and let him know what we found,” she said, passing by Leng’s body and towards the scorched doorway. “I’ll talk to him over the QEC once we’re back on the Normandy.”

“Very well.”

She tapped her earpiece as they exited the room. “Cortez, we have what we came for. Where should we meet you for extraction?”

He gave her a navpoint--a hanger not too far from them--and logged off. Rolling her shoulder, Shepard moved to take point when Garrus put his hand on her arm.

“Leng was trying to get in your head, Shepard,” he said quietly. “You saw the video. You saw what they did to him when he started to remember.”

“I know,” she replied. She wasn’t sure she believed it. If Kaidan remembered, even a little bit, about who he used to be, how could he not blame her for not going back? God knew she kept blaming herself, and she wasn’t the one that Cerberus had broken and rebuilt into a weapon. “Come on,” she told him, moving out of his grasp and towards where Cortez was meeting them. “We have a war to win.”


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard drifted through the Normandy amid the final bustle of the crew preparing for battle. They were speeding back through the Horsehead Nebula on their way to rendezvous with Hackett and the allied fleets and would be there in a matter of hours. For her part, there was nothing to prepare. The final battle plans were drawn, her armor inspected and repaired, and weapons as upgraded as she and Cortez could get them. Her crew knew the score, knew what the stakes of the mission were. The only thing left for her to do was say goodbye to the people and ship that had become her home.

Leaving Garrus and Tali in the battery, she walked over to the medbay and went inside. 

“It’s hard to believe that this will be over soon,” Chakwas said, turning her chair around to face Shepard. “It feels like so long ago that we went to Eden Prime and this all started.”

“I know,” Shepard replied, leaning against the desk. “It’s only been three years, though.”

“And what a three years it’s been.” Chakwas lapsed into silence, a distant look on her face. 

Leaving the doctor alone with her thoughts for a few moments, Shepard moved over to the counter with the lab equipment. She paused for a moment and stared down at the currently unused tools, half-listening for murmured thoughts she knew wouldn’t be coming.

“I keep thinking I’ll hear him too,” Chakwas remarked quietly from behind her. “All of them, really.” 

“Yeah,” Shepard agreed softly and turned around. She passed by their names every day, a constant reminder of what the war had cost this ship alone, but here at the end their absences felt more present than usual. 

“It’s been a privilege serving with you, Commander,” Chakwas finally said and got to her feet. “I’m truly honored to have known you.”

“It’s been an honor as well, Karin,” Shepard replied around the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. She didn’t give into the urge to hug the older woman. Maybe when this was over and if they all lived, she’d do so but not right now. Hugging her and breaking protocol, no matter how badly she wanted to, seemed close enough to admitting Shepard thought there might not be another chance to do so.

Taking her leave, Shepard left the medbay and walked towards the elevator and then past it. There was one last thing she needed to do. Steeling herself, she entered Life Support and went to the space where Thane’s table used to be.

Even with all markers of his stay gone, his presence seemed to fill the room. There was a stillness here that she’d come to associate with her friend, one that felt unique to him. 

_ I’m sorry I didn’t come here sooner _ , she thought, unwilling to speak the words aloud. She’d been avoiding this, to be honest. Thane’s death had started to feel hollow compared to Mordin’s and then Legion’s. Mordin and Legion had died planting the seeds for the futures of the krogan, geth, and quarians. They’d left behind a legacy for something greater than themselves even if they didn’t get to see it. Thane’s death had been different. He’d helped her stop the coup, only to have the Illusive Man and the Reapers beat them when it truly counted. And that wasn’t even touching the complication that was the revelation about Kaidan and the feeling that maybe focusing on him was betraying Thane’s memory.

But the memorial service and talking with Kolyot afterwards helped change her mind. Maybe his legacy was the push needed to ensure no other drell suffered like he did. Maybe it was putting her on the path to help save an old friend.

“I’ll find a way to make this right,” she promised her friend’s memory. She hoped that if he was watching from across the sea that he would understand.

~*~*~

London was a desolate nightmare. The jagged remains of skyscrapers jutted into the grey, dust-filled sky, giving the city an eerie silhouette. Big Ben stood intact, almost defiant against the general destruction surrounding it. Rubble filled the otherwise empty streets, casting strange shadows beyond the forward base’s barricades.

In the back of her mind, Shepard wondered if Manchester had been hit just as hard with so much destroyed in the conquest. If it was, part of her was glad Mum and Nan weren’t around to see it. 

“I should be going with you,” Ash said from beside her. The other woman shifted on her feet restlessly. “Or at least heading up one of the other Hammer squads. I’m no good up in the air.”

“I know. But if things go bad down here, I want to make sure we have people who can carry out the mission,” Shepard explained quietly. 

“Skipper, if things get that bad, I’m not sure how those of us in the Normandy will be able to make it better,” Ashley argued but without any real heat. “I just…” she sighed. “I hate feeling useless.”

“I get that.” 

They watched the soldiers who were part of the final push towards the beacon get ready. Garrus and Liara stood slightly apart, checking their weapons one last time. Tali, Vega, Javik, and EDI were nowhere to be seen.

“And when our children tell our story, they’ll tell the story of tonight,” Ash said softly, sounding like she was quoting something.

“Hm?”

Ashley gave a short laugh. “It’s from an old musical that my mom likes about the founding of the former US. She’d have it on at all sorts of times when I was growing up. I practically memorized the damn thing.”

Shepard smiled. “Well, when this is over you’ll have to share it with me.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Skipper,” Ashley said, her voice sounding choked up. “I better get everybody who’s going back over to the shuttle. I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”

“Yeah.” Shepard reached out and pulled Ashley into a hug.

“And Shepard,” Ashley added in a whisper. “If you the chance, bring Kaidan home.”

“I will,” she promised. Breaking apart, Shepard stepped back and watched her friend walk away, hopefully not for the last time.

~*~*~

Shepard watched the Normandy fly away with Garrus and Liara. Sending them away was the right choice no matter how much it hurt to do so, she told herself. Garrus needed medical help now and Liara wasn’t much better. Putting them on the Normandy was the best option. She almost believed it.

Crouching behind an overturned vehicle, Shepard eyed Harbinger. She waited until just after it fired at another ground transport before activating her cloak and making a run for it. She sprinted as fast as she could towards the beacon, ignoring the other soldiers around her. She was only going to get one shot at this. Her cloak timed out and she kept going, kept pushing herself to get to the beacon. A husk lunged at her but she managed to blow past it. A red glow appeared out of the corner of her eye. She was almost there. Tapping into her reserve of energy, she lunged forward, throwing herself at the beam. 

Pain ripped through her body. She felt herself being torn apart, bit by bit, for what felt like an eternity. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. The pain just went on and on until…

She landed on her back with a sickening jolt. She lay there trying to catch her breath. She could barely see in the dim light surrounding her. A wet, metallic smell hit her nose, and she turned on her side and gagged. 

“Shepard?” a voice spoke in her ear. “Are you there?”

“I’m here, Anderson,” she replied, trying to push down her rising nausea. She tried not to think about what the wet spot next to her was.

“Thank god,” he said, breaking up a little. “I came up after you, but I think we ended up in different areas of the Citadel. What do your surroundings look like?”

Shepard got to her feet and looked around. Bodies lay strewn about the room, with many of them thrown together in haphazard piles. A keeper stood to the side doing something that Shepard did her best not to think too much about. The smell of death lay think in the damp air. “It’s dark,” she told Anderson, slowly moving forward. “There are human remains everywhere.”

“Sounds familiar,” Anderson grunted. “I’m in a dark hallway with a bunch of tubes. It reminds me of your reports on the Collector base. Do you think they’re building a Reaper up here?”

“That makes sense,” Shepard said, trying not to look at the bodies too closely. She didn’t want to see anybody she knew, even remotely, like this. “They round them up down on Earth and send them up here to be processed.”

“Goddamn abomination,” Anderson swore. He was getting harder to hear through the static. “I’m going to keep moving. The sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better.”

She’d lost her sniper rifle somewhere in her dash to get to the Citadel. Shepard unholstered her pistol and continued walking forward. The room seemed to stretch on and on without end. The piles got larger the further in she went. 

A deep groan filled the room and the floor trembled slightly. “Anderson?”

“One of the walls here just realigned itself,” Anderson gasped out. “The whole place seems to be shifting. I think I see some sort of chasm with hallways like the one I was in. I think I found a way across. I’m  _ zzztt _ look _ zzttt _ Shepard.”

“Sir? Anderson? Are you there?” Shepard asked desperately, holding onto her comm like that might help. There was only static on the other line. “Fuck!” she swore, picking up her pace. 

The wall in front of her opened up, spilling bright light into the dark chamber. Shepard blinked, eyes trying to adjust after being in the dim light for so long. The room ahead of her was massive, stretching far beyond her line of sight. Lightning flickered along the walls, its static energy filling the air and causing her hair to frizz. She kept moving until she reached a ramp down to a walkway connecting where she was to some sort of chamber. In the center, directly in her path, was Kaidan.

Shepard swallowed. She’d known it might come to this. 

She walked down, gun still drawn, until she stood several meters in front of Kaidan. He stood there, his face blank.

“Kaidan, please let me through. Don’t make me do this,” she pleaded, her voice hoarse. “Everyone out there is gonna die if I can’t get the arms open.”

Nothing in his face gave any indication that what she said meant anything to him. He just kept staring at her with the same blank expression. 

“Garrus, Liara, Tali, Joker, Ash, Chakwas, they’re all out there fighting right now,” Shepard continued, not taking her eyes off her friend and moving forward. “Do you remember them?”

Blue energy began to form around his hands but he made no move to attack. He simply stood there, the most perfect obstacle the Illusive Man could have found to stop her.

“I have to keep going,” Shepard said, both as as an explanation and apology. Not waiting for a response, she fired her pistol at the ground in front of him. She activated her cloak and moved to the side. He fired on the place she’d been and, taking advantage of his momentary distraction, she charged.

She rammed into him and tackled him to the ground. Her cloak deactivated at the impact, leaving her without an option to hide if this didn’t work. She needed to stun him, to get this over with as fast as possible. Pressing an arm against his throat, she tried to cut off his air and end this quickly. 

Kaidan grabbed her shoulder and smashed his forehead against hers before shoving her off him. Her gun went flying and clattered down the walkway towards her destination. Kaidan stood and placed himself between her and her target once again.

Ignoring the ringing in her head and the dots dancing in her eyes, Shepard rolled to her feet and closed the distance between her and Kaidan. He fired and her shields flickered at the impact but held. Paying it no mind, she sabotaged his weapon and punched him in the stomach.  She didn’t want to kill him, but she needed to get past him and get to Anderson. She needed to get the arms open to end this nightmare.

“Stand down, Kaidan,” she grunted, grabbing his weapon arm and twisting it until he dropped his gun. “Please.”

He grunted and broke free, landing a punch of his own on her ribs. Wincing, she pushed through the ache spreading through her side to lunge at him again. 

They traded blows back and forth. He had biotics and wasn’t trying to take her alive. But as much as she hated hand to hand, her N7 training and working with James helped keep the fight somewhat even. She wasn’t getting closer to Anderson but she wasn’t giving up just yet.

A jab to her midsection backed by biotics sent her stumbling back. She blinked away the sweat dripping into her eyes just in time to see a ball of blue energy leave Kaidan’s hand. She reacted on instinct and sent a burst of flame towards him. It collided with the biotic energy heading her way.

The explosion threw her back to the ramp, her shields dissipating and armor cracking at the impact. The smell of scorched hair filled her nose and she struggled to breathe. Something wet trickled out of her ear down her neck. Everything in her body hurt, screaming at her to lie down and find a way to make it stop. 

Spots blinked in and out of her vision. Shepard barely managed to push herself to a kneeling position without blacking out from the pain. Bile rose in her throat and she made herself swallow several times before the urge to throw up passed. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to slowly stand up. Her foot slipped and she fell down onto a knee with a muffled cry she felt more than heard. She willed herself back up and finally managed to stand on two feet after what felt like an eternity.

The walkway in front of her was empty. She blinked, the view swimming for a moment before settling. Where… where was Kaidan? Hobbling over to one side, she carefully glanced down into the chasm. Nothing. The bottom was empty.

A wave of dizziness hit her. It would be so easy to lay down and sleep. She was out of medi-gel and there was only so much her cybernetics could do to repair the damage to her body. She wanted to rest.  _ Later _ , she promised herself. She’d rest once this was over. Stumbling to the other edge of the walkway, she peered down. 

Kaidan knelt at the bottom of the chasm clutching his side. He looked up at her, blood trickling down his face from a cut on his forehead. Biotic energy flickered over his skin before blinking out. 

Shepard exhaled. He was alive. She hadn’t come this far only to lose him at the end. “I’m coming back,” she promised him. Her voice sounded strange, like it was being filtered through something, but hopefully it was enough. He was alive and but she couldn’t stop yet. She still needed to get to the controls and end this.

She turned around and made her way towards the control center as fast as she could. She grabbed her gun, somehow still on the walkway, and kept moving. Her head spun and she had to push through the urge to vomit again. Her hand brushed against her right ear and pulled out her ruined comm. Finally, she made it up the ramp into a circular platform she’d never seen before. All around her were the closed arms of the Citadel. In the center of the room stood a familiar figure.

“Anderson?” she asked, stopping and staring at him. Why was he just standing there? Why hadn’t he opened the arms?

He turned around in slow, jerky movements. “Shepard,” he replied haltingly. “I can’t…”

The pounding in her head intensified as she tried to make sense of what he was saying. What did he mean? Why couldn’t he do what?

“I underestimated you, Shepard,” a familiar, muffled voice said from behind her. “I thought Alenko would be more than enough to stop you.”

“You,” Shepard snarled, trying to raise her gun and turn around. Her arm didn’t move. She tried again. Nothing. Her head throbbed and her vision began to blur around the edges. “What did you…”

The Illusive Man walked into her line of sight towards Anderson. “I warned you,” he told her. “Control is the means of survival. Control of the Reapers… and of you, if necessary,” he added and turned to look at her.

She stared at him. What the hell had he done to himself? Black Reaper-tech covered his neck and streaked up his face. Within the tech flecks of blue pulsed intermittently, making him look even more inhuman. He had a smug expression on his face. Like he was sure he’d already won.

“The Reapers are controlling you,” Anderson shot back. His arm twitched before stilling.

“I don’t think so, Admiral.”

Shepard strained against whatever was holding her in place. “Why waste your time with us if you can control the Reapers?” she asked. “Why’d you send Kaidan to stop me if you have that power?”

The smug look faded from his face and he looked confused. “Because…,” he began, his voice trailing off before he continued, “Because I need you to believe.”

She barely listened to him rant about how the Reapers could help propel humanity forward. It was just a variation on what he’d said before. Instead, she ignored the pain in her head and tried to move her arms, her feet, any part of her body that might respond. Nothing. 

She was so focused she didn’t hear the Illusive Man until he was standing by her uninjured ear. 

“...Only if we have the ability to control,” he finished. 

Her eyes widened as her right arm rose until the gun pointed at Anderson’s chest. How the hell was he doing this? What the hell had he done?

“Bullshit,” Anderson bit out, seemingly unworried about the gun pointed at him. “We destroy them or they destroy us.”

“And waste this opportunity?” the Illusive Man snapped. “Never.”

Anger and disgust replaced the rising panic within her. “I was right,” she spat out. “You want power so badly, you’ve ignored everything else.”’

“No, no. It’s not that simple,” he argued walking away from her. “You’ve always been…”

“Isn’t it though?” Shepard interrupted. Was it her imagination or did her hand twitch slightly? “You’re willing to sacrifice anything and anyone for control.” 

“Yes! If not me then who?” he asked, a manic edge to his voice. “I’ve dedicated my life to understanding the Reapers. The Crucible will allow me to control them!”

“And then what?” Shepard shot back. She hadn’t imagined it. Her arm moved down slightly. Not much, but it was something she might be able to work with. 

The Illusive Man looked at her and then at Anderson, the lightning creating strange shadows on his face. “Look at the power they wield,” he said, energy forming around his hand. Her vision started to blur again. “Look at what they can do!”

The  _ crack _ of the gun pierced the air. Shepard stared as Anderson’s body snapped back from the impact. He began to crumple to the floor before being jerked upright. Even in the dim light, his face looked several shades paler as he clutched his side.

“This isn’t about you or me,” the Illusive Man continued as if he hadn’t just forced Shepard to shoot the closest thing she’d ever had to a father. “This is about things so much bigger than all of us!”

“He’s wrong” Anderson groaned, so faint she could barely hear him in her good ear. “Don’t listen to him.”

“You know nothing,” the other man shot back. “And what if you’re wrong? What if controlling the Reapers is the answer?”

“Even if it is, you’re the last person I’d trust to that,” Shepard snapped. She needed to distract him, get him angry. That had been when she’d been able to move earlier. She might not get another chance at this. “You’ve only ever cared about yourself!”

“No, no no. The two of you, so self-righteous.” The Illusive Man began to pace around the platform, his voice rising. “Do you think power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices…”

“Whose sacrifices? Yours? The people Cerberus experimented on? The people you killed to get here? Whose?” 

“You’re still so focused on Alenko that you’re missing the point, Shepard,” the Illusive Man said. “I can protect humanity! I can use the Crucible to control the Reapers. I just…”

“You’re indoctrinated,” Anderson cut in, his breathing ragged. “They’re using you just like you used Alenko and your troops.”

The Illusive Man’s face hardened. He walked behind Anderson and grabbed the soldier’s gun. “You’d undo everything I’ve accomplished. I can’t let that happen.”

Shepard’s heart began to race. She could feel the pressure on her starting to lessen. She just needed to stall him, keep him talking before he could use that gun. “You’re weak and you’re selfish and you’ve done that yourself,” she taunted him. “Humanity is going to end because of you.”

That seemed to do it. “No!” he shouted and started to pace again. “No, I saved humanity!”

“No, you sacrificed us for your lust for control. You said you wanted to protect humanity, but you failed!”

“No! I am the savior of humanity!” he argued, clutching his head. “I’m the pinnacle of our species!” He shoved Anderson aside and lunged towards her.

Shepard shifted her arm and shot the Illusive Man in the throat. 

He staggered back, a shocked look on his face, before he collapsed to the ground. 

The pressure holding her in place vanished. She slumped forward, catching herself before she joined the Illusive Man on the floor. Keeping a wary eye on him, she slowly moved forward to the console. There was soft  _ thump _ on her other side as Anderson fell.

Reaching her goal, she quickly typed in the command to open the arms. She leaned against the console, waiting until she began to see the battle outside before turning away. She limped towards the Illusive Man. She stopped about a foot away and glared at him. He lay on in a pool of blood and stared back at her.

“That was for Kaidan and Sanctuary, you monster,” she told him quietly. His mouth moved as he tried to say something but only gurgled around the wound. He stilled, his body stiffening before going limp. She waited several seconds, gun drawn, but he didn’t move. It was over.

_ That was kinder than you deserved, _ she thought viciously. After all he’d done, everyone he’d hurt, death was too kind a fate for him. 

She left his body and walked as fast as she could towards where Anderson was. He’d managed to push himself into a sitting position, but he was ashen-faced, eyes glossy. He still clutched at where she’d shot him.

“It’s one hell of a view,” he gasped out as she dropped to her knees beside him. She barely heard him.

“Best seats in the house,” she replied, pressing her hands against the wound. Why the hell didn’t she grab more medi-gel in the transport? Where was his?

“God... it feels like years since I just sat down.”

“You can rest all you want now,” Shepard said, trying not to sound panicked. “We have plenty of time. Just stay with me, ok?”

“Heh.” He covered her hands with his and looked at her. “You… you did good, child. You did good. I’m proud of you.”

She closed her eyes and nodded, unable to talk around the lump in her throat. 

Anderson’s breath slowed. His grip on her hand loosened and slipped off. 

“Anderson?” she asked, opening her eyes. His face was slack and his eyes empty. He was gone.

Tears pricked the back of her eyes and she gave a strangled sob. This… this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. He was supposed to make it home to Kahlee. He was supposed to be there to help rebuild once this was finished. It wasn’t fair that the Illusive Man had taken him too. She bowed her head and took a breath, forcing down the urge to cry. It wasn’t over for her yet.

Her hands shaking, she reached out and carefully removed his comm. “I’m sorry, sir,” she apologized, fitting it to her left ear. 

“...anybody there?” a voice said, barely audible through the static. “The Crucible is in locked in. You did it.”

“This is Shepard,” she replied, carefully getting her feet and doing her best not to slip in the blood. “Fire it now.”

“Commander, wait, I can get to you!” Joker’s voice broke in. “The Normandy’s nearby. We can get you!”

“No!” Shepard said. She looked outside at the battle raging. She watched a Reaper chase down a dreadnaught and sheer it in two. “Do it now! Fire the Crucible now!”

“But Commander…” Joker started before his voice trailed off. 

“Get out of here, Joker,” she told him gently. “Please.” She’d already Anderson today. She didn’t want to risk losing her family again.

She heard him take a deep breath. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Stand by, Commander,” Hackett’s voice said. “Firing the Crucible now.”

She watched for a moment as orange-ish colored energy began to gather above her. It grew until it began to block her view of Earth. Turning her back on it, she slowly walked past Anderson’s body down towards the walkway. 

The lightning began to appear more frequently, sparking dangerously as she retraced her steps out of the chamber. What remained of her hair began to stand on end, fighting to escape from her bun. A fork of lightning struck a foot or so in front of her and she flinched, nearly falling over. She kept walking, though, back towards the walkway.

~*~*~

He hauled himself onto an exposed part of the chasm, sweat dripping down his neck. He was almost to the walkway. He still had his mission to complete, even with this setback. 

He ignored the shifting light and kept moving towards his goal. Adjusting his position, he pushed up and grabbed the edge of the walkway. He began to leverage himself up when lightning struck inches away from him. Startled, he lost his footing. He clung to the edge and tried to pull himself up. His hand slipped and he dangled over the chasm. 

“Hold on!” a voice called out above him. Hands gripped his arm and slowly pulled him onto the walkway. 

The person hauling him up let go once more than half of his body was on level surface. He looked up and saw the Commander standing next to him. Her hands were on her knees and she was breathing heavily. She looked at him, blue eyes searching, while he pulled himself up the rest of the way.

“You know me, Kaidan” she said hoarsely. The simple conviction in her voice, combined with  _ that _ name, enraged him. “You remembered me back at the temple.”

“No I don’t,” he snarled, using biotic energy to throw her back. His head pounded. He didn’t know her. She was his mission. She was wrong. She had to be.

She tumbled along the walkway, landing on her back. She pushed herself to her feet and gasped for breath. 

“Your name is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko of the Systems Alliance,” she continued undeterred. “You survived Brain Camp. You wanted to help people so you joined the Alliance as a medic.”

He ignored the half-buried thoughts that threatened to emerge, as he always did. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say. She was his mission, nothing more. She was nothing to him. Those words meant nothing to him. He hit her across the face and she stumbled back. 

She wiped blood off her face. “You served on the SSV Normandy. You’re my friend.”

“No I’m not.” He swung at her again to try to make her stop. She barely dodged but remained upright. “You’re my mission.”

“I left you behind on Virmire,” she told him like she hadn’t heard him. She was favoring her right side, body turned slightly away from him. “You told me to get Ash and that you’d see us once it was over, so I left you behind.”

“Shut up!” he screamed. He ignored urge to pause and listen. He tried to use his biotics again but the ground beneath them lurched. He stumbled and the energy went off course. 

“Please, Kaidan, listen to me!” She was still talking. Still acting like this was normal. “You’re still in there, under what the Illusive Man did to you. Fight it!”

An explosion sounded behind him and the walkway buckled. He tried to remain upright but slipped. Another explosion, closer this time, right where he was looking. He blinked the spots out of his eyes.

“Watch out!” He barely heard her over the sound of metal groaning. Something collided with him and shoved him towards the ramp. He fell to his knees and turned around, confused. Why was this familiar?

The Commander stood on the edge of the sheared off walkway. “Kaidan…” she began when another explosion threw her off. 

He watched her fall. He heard her hit the bottom of the chasm with a sickening  _ thud _ . 

There was no way she could have survived that, even with her cybernetics. But there still a chance. He should go make sure. 

Carefully, he climbed back down to where he’d recently escaped from. Explosions continued to rattle the room, but not near him. He focused on his route down rather than the image in his head of a strange beacon and being shoved out of the way. He could not let that distract him.

He dropped the last foot into the chasm next to the Commander’s body. Her breath was shallow, her eyes closed. He knelt down and felt for a pulse. It was weak but there. He was supposed to stop her, kill her if necessary. The Illusive Man had been clear. He could finish this. And yet… 

He stabilized her neck and carefully used the last of his medi-gel. He tried not to think about how he knew what to do.

_ You trained as a medic _ , her voice rang in his head. 

His head hurt. Images flitted through his memory. Of the Commander. A younger woman in pink armor. A couple beaming with pride. They vanished if he tried to examine them, leaving him feeling empty. 

He carefully removed the Commander’s omnitool. It was sparking, barely usable, but still operating. He tapped in a code he half-remembered and settled down to wait.

~*~*~

There was a pounding in her head. It broke through the warm darkness surrounding her. She tried to bury herself back in there, but it wouldn’t go away. It kept following her, drawing her back to consciousness. Her entire body ached. Her skin itched. The pounding wasn’t going away. Instead, it was becoming something more uniform. Why wouldn’t it let her rest?

“Is this Purgatory?” she muttered, unwilling to open her eyes. 

“It’s a hospital, Shepard, it’s not a fucking nightclub,” a familiar said beside her. 

“Wrong Purgatory,” Shepard replied, turning towards Jack’s voice. The noise blessedly stopped. She cracked her eyes open and immediately closed them again, eyes watering.

“Shit, let me get the lights.” She heard Jack move and then the other woman spoke, “Ok, try again.”

Shepard opened her eyes and watched Jack stand next the chair next to her. Aside from the dark circles under her eyes, Jack looked exactly the same. “How long?” she croaked, her throat dry. 

“Little more than a month since we dragged your sorry ass out of the Citadel,” Jack replied. Her cheeriness sounded forced. “You were pretty fucked up, but you got medi-gel in you in time so it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. I think the cheerleader and Wrex know something, but they aren’t saying shit.”

She frowned, trying to make sense of what Jack was saying. Medi-gel? She’d been all out. “Miranda?”

“Yeah. I had to track her down since she’s the one who pieced you back together the first time.”

Shepard tried to piece together what’d happened before she blacked out. She remembered pushing Kaidan out of the way, an explosion, and falling. “Was there anyone else where you found me?”

Jack shook her head. “Nope. They found Anderson’s body and what was left of that fucker Illusive Man, but that was about it. You all weren’t near where we’ve found Citadel survivors so far.”

“Oh.”

“Good news is that the Alliance got in touch with your aunt about a week ago. She’s stuck on Elysium, but she knows you made it out.”

“That’s good,” Shepard said, feeling relieved. Hopefully she’d be able to talk to Titi in person soon.

The other woman sighed and turned away. “Look, let me get a doctor. They probably wanna make sure that all your parts are working right anyway.”

There was something off. Jack being here made sense but someone was missing.

“Jack, where’s Garrus?” she asked, glancing around the room. He wasn’t there and she couldn’t imagine him leaving if there was a chance of her waking up. 

Jack’s mouth tightened and looked away. “We don’t know,” she answered quietly. “The Normandy’s been missing every since the Crucible went off. It could be nothing,” she added hastily. “The relays are all fucked up and there are still ships checking in.”

Shepard looked up at the ceiling as Jack left, blinking back tears. Her ship, her crew had to be out there. They had to be alive. She’d told Joker to go. They had to have gotten out. She couldn’t lose that much of her family again, not after all it’d taken to get here. She’d lost enough people. There had to be a limit on how more she could lose.

Shepard’s days settled into a strange routine. Medical staff came in and out to monitor her and make sure she was healing right. News slowly trickled in. Whatever had happened with the Crucible severely damaged the relays and sent the geth into a catatonic state. Her former crew members who’d somehow made it back to Earth visited and sat beside her in her periods of wakefulness. Her nightmares kept company while she slept.

“Miranda, who gave me the medi-gel?” she asked a few days after waking. She’d been staring at the vidscreen playing a  _ novela _ without really paying attention, trying to order her thoughts. “I was all out.”

The other woman put down the datapad she’d been reading. “You were by yourself when the Alliance found you. But,” Miranda added when Shepard opened her mouth, “the signal they used to find you was an older one.”

Shepard frowned, confused. That didn’t answer her question at all. “How old?” 

“It’s one you used on the first Normandy.”

She sat back, trying to process what Miranda just said. “He remembered,” she said quietly. 

“Maybe. Or he might have decided to keep you alive for some other reason,” Miranda replied in a practical tone. “Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to ask him. He’s proving to be… elusive.”

They lapsed back into silence, the sound from the vid filling the space. Shepard barely listened to what was happening on the screen. Kaidan remembered, she was sure of it. He’d remembered them before before the Illusive Man had wiped him. The assassin Cerberus had tried to create wouldn’t have stabilized her and sent the signal. Hell, he wouldn’t have remembered the code. That knowledge helped ease the feeling that she’d failed those she cared about. Not much, but it helped.

~*~*~

Several weeks later, Shepard carefully maneuvered her borrowed wheelchair along a gravel path amid mounds of freshly turned earth. She would’ve preferred to walk, but Nurse Ahmed had given her an unamused look and insist on the mobility device. Wrex, her companion for the day, lumbered along quietly, seemingly content to keep her company.

Finally, they reached their destination. Grass had started to grow on the dirt in front of the headstone. She carefully got to her feet and gently placed her bouquet of marigolds and forget-me-nots on Anderson’s grave.

_ I’m sorry _ , she apologized silently. She still couldn’t shake the sense of guilt that followed her like a shadow. She should’ve figured out a way to move her gun faster. Found a way to break the Illusive Man’s hold sooner. Even though she knew Anderson wouldn’t have blamed her for his death, she still felt responsible. She still hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell Kahlee exactly what happened. 

“I liked him,” Wrex said, breaking the quiet. “He always tried to do right by us when you were gone. Not like the rest of the Council.”

She gave a soft laugh. “Yeah, that sounds like him.”

“You’re gonna go after Alenko, aren’t you?” Wrex asked, changing the subject. “You gonna go now or wait until the docs clear you?”

Shepard glanced up at the sky. Weeks after the end of the war, it was still hazy and dust-filled, the sun taking on a reddish glow. “As soon as I get cleared to go out without a wheelchair,” she answered. “Nurse Ahmed scares me a little.”

Wrex laughed. “Well, if you need some muscle, let me know. I’m sure Grunt wouldn’t mind seeing some more action.”

“Any idea of when you’ll be able to get back to Tuchanka?”

“Hopefully soon. Not that I don’t trust Bakara to keep the hotheads in line but…” He shrugged. “It’ll be good to get back.”

Shepard heard the crunch of gravel behind her and turned around. Miranda walked towards them, a datapad tucked under her arm. She was dressed in a smart-looking suit, a different enough look that it took Shepard a second to place her.

“Thought I’d find you here,” she said once she got closer. “I finally heard from Jacob and I thought you might want to see this.”

“Thanks.” Shepard took the datapad but didn’t look at just yet. “What about the rest of Cerberus?” Shepard asked after a few minutes. “What happened to them?

“They’re still out there,” Miranda replied grimly. “Taking out the Illusive Man and capturing his base hurt them, but there are enough believers out there with enough resources to cause trouble.”

Shepard’s mouth thinned. Miranda’s words echoed what the Illusive Man had told her when they were taking his base. 

“How much trouble we talking about?” Wrex asked.

“It’s too early to tell, but I’m keeping an eye on things,” Miranda answered, brushing an imaginary speck of dirt off her jacket. “Taking over my father’s organization should give me an edge of them for now. And when that’s not enough, I should be in a better position to handle them.”

Shepard glanced down at Anderson’s grave. Most of her ghosts were laid to rest, but a few still out there. The Reapers might be gone, but there was still the long road to rebuild what had been destroyed. Her ship and her crew was still missing. She was done standing still, though. “Well, then,” she said, thumbing on the datapad. “Let’s get to work.”

~*~*~

English Bay hadn’t been spared when the Reapers attacked nearby Vancouver. Gaping holes filled the spaces where buildings once were. Dead trees with their branches stark against the sky stood until they could be removed. Debris filled the streets and the scent of smoke still wafted through the air weeks after the invasion ended. Slowly, however, the town was starting to rebuild.

In the center of a municipal park, a statue stood untouched by the recent destruction. It was relatively new, some of its shine still intact. It showed a young man standing heroically, his upturned face gazing off into the sky. Words were carved into its stone base, telling people about the local man who died helping save the known galaxy three years before.

A man stood in front of the statue reading the inscription. His dark hair, long and slightly unkempt, peaked out from beneath his baseball hat. A beard covered his face and he was dressed in ratty, nondescript clothing.

The man stared at the words, reading them over and over trying to make sense of them. He glanced up at the statute and ran his hand along his jaw. With one last look at paragraph memorializing Kaidan Alenko, he turned around and walked away, disappearing into the groups of people bustling in the streets.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading. I definitely have more planned at some point, I just need to survive grad school first.


End file.
